We Can Write the Song
by dreamerslikeus
Summary: Alex/Mer At some point you have to know the truth, have to realize what you really want in life, and once you do that everything begins to make sense. Spoilers Most of Season 12
1. The Song Begins

_Disclaimer: Nope not mine.._

 _A/N: My first time writing Grey's or anything in years. Crossing fingers on this.. This is a Alex/Meredith Fanfiction so bare with me please lol_

 **We Can Write the Song**

" _We can't live our lives in limbo, we may want to but it just isn't reality. We can do it for awhile, live in a world of make believe but at some point that's all going to fall apart. We can't pretend forever that the fragile glass we're walking on isn't cracking slowly at our feet. At some point we need answers, need to take a breath and face the truth, whether we like it or not. The truth can be a ugly, ugly thing but once we face it, that's when our lives really begin to take shape."_

Her house was almost too quite this morning. Her children all miraculously still asleep as Amelia and Maggie quietly stirred about. She yawned as she turned on the water in the bathroom and quickly splashed a small about on her face.

"Hey Mer," Amelia sang walking into the bathroom, "There's a man on your couch."

"Does he belong to you?" Meredith asked arching a eyebrow.

"No," Amelia smirked, "And he doesn't belong to Maggie either."

Meredith groaned as she moved by Amelia and headed to her living room. Her house honestly felt like a zoo most days, she thought as she almost tripped over a Paw Patrol car in the hallway. As she walked to the back of the couch she peered over and let out a sigh as Amelia walked up behind her.

"There's no man on my couch, there's only a Alex," She spoke rolling her eyes.

"Well he is a man," Amelia laughed. "And he's holding a ring box."

"A ring box?" She heard Maggie chimed in from somewhere, as Meredith looked over to see her sister coming up behind her a coffee cup in hand.. "Well that makes things interesting. Do you think they broke up?" She asked.

"Obviously right?" Amelia asked.

"No, she's suppose to be his post it note," Meredith frowned. "Post it notes shouldn't break up."

"But they had to right?" The ring box, and he's here." Maggie sighed.

"Right, ring box and your couch, total break up."

Suddenly Alex rolled on his back, his eyes wide open, "Will you three please shut up," he groaned throwing a pillow over his face with a huff.

"Look, now you've made him mad," Amelia smirked looking at Maggie.

"Meredith let out a tiny chuckle, "Both of you out," she spoke pointing at them. "Go save lives or something."

"Oh right, today is your off day," Amelia smiled.

"We get off days?" Maggie asked with a laugh.

"Yes, and this is mine, on a weekend, can you believe it?" Meredith asked. "Now go so I can talk to the grumpy man on my couch."

"And then text us the details?" Amelia questioned.

"I can still hear you people," Alex grumbledg

Both women laughed as Meredith watched them grab their stuff and head out the door. As the door slammed behind them, Meredith watched as Alex rolled over on the couch and sighed. Slowly she walked over and sat down on the edge of the couch beside him.

"You have the ring?" She asked quietly.

"Women suck." He replied never taking the pillow off his face. "Seriously suck."

"Do you want to tell me why you're on my couch." Meredith asked.

"No."

"Do you want coffee?"

"No."

"There's cereal, three kinds with lots of sugar..."

"No."

"Okay." Meredith shrugged.

She doesn't want a dog with me." He spoke throwing the pillow off his face and looking at her.

"Oh?" She asked quietly resting her hand softly on his arm.

"She wanted to know if I ever wanted to get married. So I got a ring, but she doesn't want it." He spoke the words with a bitter sigh.

"Not yet, but she could..."

"No, she really doesn't," he spoke bluntly.

"Oh."

"And she wondered if I ever wanted babies with her or whatever, so I was willing and ready, but she wasn't." There was hurt in his tone this time, hurt and confusion as his eyes moved away from hers to the toys in the floor.

"I see."

"I told her we should get a dog yesterday, and she laughed at me."

"Maybe she doesn't like dogs?"

"I even offered to get a freaking cat or gold fish," he speaks with a hard laugh. "A gold fish Mer."

"That's very UnKarev of you."

"She just wants me to tell her I'm ready for all this stuff that she doesn't want."

"So you left?"

"I left, with my ring."

"That sucks."

He sat up slowly and nodded, "We didn't even fight, it was just silence and crap. Like that kind when you know it's final or something."

"I hate that kind." Meredith sighed as she rested her head on his shoulder. She wasn't sure why she did it, but she felt him relax sightly and she decided maybe it was just them, knowing each other now.

"Yeah me too." He muttered.

"You know, you'll be really good at all that stuff," Meredith offered. "Marriage and kids and whatever."

"You think?" He asked. "I don't know, I'd probably screw it up or something."

"Oh, you'd screw it up," Meredith smiled, "And then you'd realize it and fix it. I screw it up all the time, at least a couple times a day."

"I kinda hate that I want all that." He said with a shrug.

"Yeah? It's not twisty and dark but it's messy and good, sometimes a little crazy, but worth it." she smiled.

"Yeah." He spoke in almost a hush whisper. "I thought she wanted all that with me," he frowned. "That's what we've been doing right? I don't understand her, or women." He groaned. "Or maybe I only attract messed up women, I mean look at you, you're like my only friend and you're all kinds of..."

"Dark and twisty?"

"Yeah, we'll go with that Mer," he smirked.

"Probably best if you want a place to sleep."

"Good thing I still have my key," he shrugged.

"So you really offered to get a goldfish...and have a kid?" She added looking at him with a smirk.

"Shut up Mer."

"What would you name a goldfish anyway?" She asked with a chuckle.

"I don't know," he spoke with a smirk, "What would you name a dog? Because I already bought the puppy and it's coming to your house."

"Alex no.." Meredith began as he let out a laugh.

"Kids time to wake up, I have you a big surprise!" He yelled out as she swatted his leg, just as she heard the footsteps coming down the hall. She heard him yell the words puppy out and she saw the look on Zola's face and she smiled softly, yeah, messy and totally worth it.


	2. Home

Disclaimer: Nope not mine!

A/N: I hope this is going over okay. It's new for me so I'm a bit nervous..

 _We spend our lives building up walls, thick layers we are sure will never get tore down. It's hard though, when someone comes along and begins to knock those walls down. The feeling you get, exposed, naked, it's not a easy one. Those walls were there for a reason, but once they are gone, we are left to feel, and feeling is never easy, feeling hurts, but if we allow ourselves, sometimes, letting those walls down might just be worth it._

Alex had never really liked people, he had tried, because his job sorta required it, but no matter how much work he put into it he knew he'd be a people person. Maybe that's why he found it strange how well he got along with kids. Tiny people? He could deal with them, but their parents, that was always another story. Still as he laid awake at 4 a.m. staring at the bland walls in Meredith's guest bedroom, he was actually missing the sound of people. The quiet made him think, and he was beginning to think he hated silence more than he did people.

"You're awake."

His eyes jerked up to see Meredith standing in the doorway smiling softly at him. Since she became a mom, he found it amusing how her tone was all comforting at times, like an actual mom tone or something.

"Yeah, you too?"

"Bailey had a nightmare," she shrugged. "He's fine now though."

"Yeah? Think I might be having one too." He frowned.

Her watched Meredith as she nodded and walked over to his bed. Slowly she crawled in beside him and relaxed. "Our nightmares are real though, that's the part that sucks."

"Tell me about it." He spoke with a frown.

"Amelia said Jo asked about you today."

"Am I supposed to be touched?" Alex asked.

"I don't know," Meredith laughed. "Maybe a little."

"Well I'm not."

"She just wanted to make sure you were here and okay."

"Where else did she think I'd be?" He questioned looking at Meredith. With a chuckle he shook his head, "Bet she hates that I'm here."

"Probably. Somehow I don't think I'll ever be her best friend," She smiled.

"Better not be."

"Don't worry Karev, you're pretty much stuck with me at this point."

He nodded his head, he wouldn't tell her, but he was perfectly fine with that. Without Meredith, without the kids he was sure he would drown. They were his comfort zone, and the one place he felt like he belonged. He wondered when all that really happened, when suddenly this twisty, inappropriate woman and her children became home to him.

"Hey, I was in your basement today, wouldn't take much to make it a pretty sweet apartment." He spoke looking over at her.

"You want my basement?" Meredith asked arching a eyebrow.

"I don't know, I was just thinking, it's a big space, and it's kinda empty."

"And there's alot of women that get on your nerves here?" Meredith asked knowingly.

"Amelia and Maggie look at me a lot," he shrugged. "And they ask questions, they are not you and Yang," he shrugged.

"So you plan on being here awhile then?" Meredith pondered, "I mean, if you want my basement."

"Unless you want me to leave?"

"No," Meredith laughed smacking him on the arm. "You are my person, you stay. If you want the basement, it's yours."

"You sure?"

"Yes Karev I'm sure," she chuckled, "I will even help yo"u fix it up if you want."

"Sounds like a plan, just no chick stuff. It's gonna be a man cave, a place for me and Bailey to hide from all you women when you're being all girly and crap," he joked.

He watched as Meredith rolled her eyes at him and then sighed, "So you really think it's over?"

Alex smiled and wrapped his arm around Meredith pulling his closer, he sighed as he felt her head rest on his shoulder. She smelled like lavender and some other kind of girly scent he wasn't sure about. "She's not my post it note Mer, you had Derrick, he was yours, we don't all get post it notes and all that stuff."

"My story didn't excatly get the happy ever after," Meredith frowned.

"Yeah and that sucks."

"It does."

"I shouldn't have let myself think this was ever gonna work." He spoke groaning. "Why did I ever let myself think Jo would want all that stuff with me? Marriage, kids, picket fences? Dude that's not even me."

"It's totally you, now," Meredith smiled. "And she's the one that brought it up, totally not your fault."

"Yeah, I should have just kept my mouth shut." He groaned. "I freaking suggested a dog, Grey."

"And a goldfish," she smirked.

"Shut it." He huffed. "I just..." He began, "I had been with this family all day, miracle baby and perfect parents, you know how that goes, and I was just thinking how I wanted something like that. When I suggested the dog her eyes got all wide though, and I just asked her if she ever wanted any of that with me, and she just shrugged her shoulders and said she didn't know."

He felt Meredith's hand rest on his leg, "What happened then?"

"Crap," he muttered. "Am I really doing this?"

"You are." Meredith smirked. "We're sharing, don't stop now."

He rolled his eyes, because he wanted to stop, but he knew he probably wouldn't. Talking about feelings was not his strong suit. He had always hated feeling weak, like he couldn't handle his emotions. He was supposed to be able to be strong and just deal, but every now and then stupid Meredith with her grin and bright eyes made him go all emotional. He knew he'd feel better just to spit everything out, but it still didn't make it any easier.

"Whatever," he grumbled. "I don't know, I asked her what were we even doing, and if where did we stand. It just got quiet then, and we didn't really say much. She just doesn't know what she wants, and after all this time, she should right?"

"I would think."

"I mean she's the one that put it all in my head, got me thinking about it all anyway."

"You'll find it, someday, you'll find it."

"Don't do that Grey." Alex warned.

"Do what?"

"Go sap on me, don't."

"Sorry."

"Yeah."

"But you deserve it." She added. "We both do."

"Maybe."

"Hey Alex." He heard her whisper quietly."

"Yeah?"

"What happens when you move to the basement and can't sleep? When I don't see your light and know you're up." Meredith asked honestly.

"I'll text you," he shrugged.

"You better." She smiled.

"You're such a freaking girl." He grinned.

"Yes, and you need me." She teased with a laugh.

"Shut up Grey."

She threw her head back and laughed as she swatted his arm and shook her head at him, "Go to sleep Karev, you have a long day tomorrow."

* * *

If Meredith had learned one thing over the years it was this, if you were looking for a career where you didn't have to deal with high school drama type stuff, picking a job in a hospital would not be a good idea. She had walked into the hospital earlier with Alex and then watched as he quickly went the other way, determined to avoid Jo if at all possible.

Meredith was about to turn a corner when she sighed, realizing Jo was headed toward her. She took a deep breath and pasted a smile on her face.

"Hey, can I talk to you for a second?" Jo asked.

"If this is about Alex..."

Jo dropped her head, "He's staying with you right?"

"He is." Meredith nodded.

"Well I was just wondering..." Jo paused, "Is he okay?"

Meredith sighed, "Okay?"

"Yeah, I mean how's he doing?"

Meredith frowned, "Have you asked him that?"

"I've tried, but I think he's avoiding me." Jo frowned.

"Alex is dealing the way Alex deals," Meredith spoke. "I'm sure when he's ready to talk he will."

Meredith looked around carefully, if she could just find a exit strategy, she could end this awkward conversation once and for all. She saw Amelia walking up the hall, but when she saw Meredith, she only smirked and waved with one hand as she turned to corner.

Jo nodded, "I do love him, I don't know what he has said but I do."

"Then tell him that," Meredith spoke with a tight smile.

"I just, I don't know what I want, or when I'll be ready for what I want," Jo sighed dropping her head.

"My advice?" Meredith spoke slowly, "If you want Alex, maybe it's time you figure that out."

She felt her phone buzz and she looked down to see a text from Alex, _'Is she talking about me?'_ It said. Quickly she typed back, _'How'd you even know?'_ She saw Jo look at her and she forced a smile as Alex texted back, _'People talk.'_ trying not to frown she responded, _'Help! This is awkward.'_ She almost groaned when she got back a laughing emoji and nothing more.

"I don't think it even matters anymore," Jo shrugged. "We aren't in the same place."

Bringing herself back to the conversation she slide her phone in her pocket. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah." Jo nodded.

Meredith grimaced, "You're the one that put it in his mind to begin with," she spoke tightly. "Those thoughts were very unKarev and you put them there."

"Maybe I did."

"You think he'd got there this fast on his on?"

"Maybe, the way he takes care of you and your kids, I don't see why he wouldn't." Jo frowned.

"Well," Meredith spoke taking a deep breath, "As much fun as this conversation is, I need to get back to work. If you want to talk to Alex, give him time."

"Yeah, okay." Jo nodded as she turned to walk off.

Grabbing her phone Meredith let out a frustrated groan as she sent a quick text. _'You can come out now, she's gone.'_ She almost laughed when he sent back, _'What did she say about me?'_ Rolling her eyes she responded, _'Now whose the girl Karev?'_

The angry emoji's he sent her back only made her laugh harder.


	3. In The Unexpected

_Surviving months, even years after the fall is the hardest. They don_ _'t tell you that though, after the condolences are over, and the food and cards have stopped coming, it's those days you find hardest to move on. It's on the days when things seem to be finding normal again, that the unexpected happens, and suddenly, all the progress just seems gone. The thing no one cares to mention after death, or heartache or massive change, is that no matter how much better you get, the ache will still remain._

Meredith walked into her house and sighed as she sat her keys down. Looking around she saw Amelia in the kitchen holding Ellis, and Maggie standing by the window staring out at the backyard. She looked around at all the toys scattered around the living room and smiled. Never did she want a house that looked perfect, her house, it was a home, it looked lived in. Toy trucks, and dolls tossed about, sippy cups in odd places, that was what she wanted to see when she came home from a long day of work.

"Where's Zola and Bailey?" She questioned kicking a Cinderella doll off to the side.

"Bailey is out back with Alex," Maggie spoke pointing. "They are playing t-ball, he's pretty good for his age."

"Of course he is," Meredith smiled. "I haven't found a sport yet that he doesn't already love."

"Alex is really good with him," Maggie nodded. "I can't believe Jo didn't want to marry him. He's like perfect daddy material."

"Husband too," Amelia called out, "He cooked tonight, did you know he could cook? Like good food? Complicated food?"

Meredith smiled, "Alex is a man of many talents," She nodded.

"I've wondered about a few of his talents before," Amelia grinned. "I've heard talk, and apparently he has lots of talents."

Meredith rolled her eyes and laughed, "Shut up, he's Alex."

Maggie grinned and looked over at Meredith, "So you've never wondered?"

"No," Meredith laughed. "I've saw every part of Alex, we've lived together off and on forever, he's...Alex."

"All of him?" Amelia asked.

"Yes." Meredith smirked.

"And?" Amelia asked.

"I'm not saying a word." She answered back.

"Nice." Amelia laughed. "Maybe all the stories are true."

"Shut up." Meredith smiled. "We've all heard the talk about Alex, once upon a time,was just as messed up and inappropriate as I was. If you've heard stories, chances are most of them are true."

"Interesting." Maggie smirked.

The backdoor opened and Bailey came running in, Alex behind him. "Good job little man," He called out, "Tell Aunt Maggie she owes you a cookie."

Meredith smiled, "How's he doing?"

"His hitting is pretty amazing for his age," Alex smiled. "That boy would play sports all day if you let him."

Meredith smirked, "And you let him?"

"Just t-ball and football today," Alex shrugged. "He's got a arm on him too."

Meredith smiled as she watched Amelia and Maggie head off into the kitchen, she didn't want to admit it out loud but having Alex in the house felt right. He made it feel like a home, maybe because she was so used to him, because he was the only person around that actually knew her.

"Hey, you might want to check on Zo," he spoke frowning. "She's been in a mood since she came home from school," he spoke.

"A mood?"

"Yeah, she just went to her room and didn't really say much," Alex shrugged. "I told her the puppy would be ready tomorrow and she just shrugged, then I offered a snack and nothing."

"No snack? That's not good." Meredith frowned. "Come on," she spoke grabbing Alex by the arm, "Lets go talk to to her."

"Me? She rolled her eyes at me today." Alex whined, "Why not one of the girls?"

"Because you make her smile," Meredith spoke looking up at him, "When no one else can, you make her smile."

She saw a softening in Alex's eyes, "Well yeah, you know..." he muttered.

They walked into Zola's room and found her sitting on her bed playing with her tablet, Meredith could instantly tell something wasn't right. There was a stillness, a sadness on Zola's face that was rarely there.

"Hey Zo," Meredith spoke sitting on the bed, "Everything okay?"

"Yeah." She spoke never looking away from the tablet.

"Really? Because I heard you refused a snack today," Meredith spoke pulling the tablet carefully from her daughters' hands. "And you didn't go out to play ball with Bailey? Want to tell us what's going on?"

Zola looked up and sighed, "We are having a dance," she shrugged. "It's stupid and I'm not going."

Alex frowned, "But you love to dance," he smiled. "You're even taking all those dance classes."

"I don't want to go." She spoke crossing her arms.

"Why not?" Meredith spoke.

Zola frowned, "It's for kids with daddy's," She frowned. "Your daddy is supposed to be your date."

"A daddy/daughter dance?" Meredith frowned. "Oh Zola."

"Yeah," She nodded, "And some of my friends don't have daddy's either, but they have grandpas or uncles taking them."

"I see." Meredith frowned.

"And Katelyn said I couldn't go cause I don't have a daddy or a grandpa to take me," she frowned.

"Whose this Katelyn?" Alex frowned. "I don't like that kid."

"She's my best friend." Zola spoke.

"Sounds like she needs a attitude adjustment." Alex muttered.

"Zola, I'm sorry your daddy isn't here to take you, if he was here I know he would have loved to have took you." Meredith sighed.

"But..."Alex spoke sitting down beside Zola with a smile, "Since he can't take you, you tell Katelyn you don't need a grandpa to take you, that you have a Alex that's gonna dance circles around her dad that night." He smirked.

Meredith watched as Zola's eyes lit up, "You'll take me?"

Alex nodded, "Yep, I hear I clean up real nice too," he spoke nudging her. "So what do you say Zo? Will you be my date?"

Meredith smiled, "I bet Alex will even take you shopping for a new dress," she added smirking over at Alex.

"Uh yeah," Alex nodded, "Anything for my favorite princess," he spoke cutting his eyes at Meredith.

"I can't wait to tell Katelyn that I'm going!" Zola giggled hugging Alex, "It's gonna be so much fun!"

"Hey, maybe tomorrow you can show me some dance moves. I'm a little rusty on all the new stuff," he winked.

"Okay! And then we can get my dress?"

"Sounds like a plan!"

Meredith smiled as she watched her daughter her Alex again, the smile back on her face as she quickly rattled on about the dresses her friends were planning to wear. She had no idea what she would do without Alex in her life, and honestly she hoped she never had to find out.

* * *

Alex frowned as he lugged a huge box down into Meredith's basement apartment. He knew when Derrick built the house he had set the basement up to be a office and work out area, complete with a kitchen, but it'd make a perfect apartment for him, it was actually bigger than what he lived in with Jo.

Grunting as he sat the box down next to a couple more he looked around. The silence in the room almost bothered him after spending so much time upstairs with the kids and Meredith. He wouldn't mind staying upstairs with her and the kids, but those sisters of hers he thought with a groan. They were always staring at him, making comments, and trying to get in his business. It wasn't like Meredith and Cristina, these two grated his nerves at times.

"Hey Alex, hows it coming?" He heard Meredith call out as she appeared at the stairs.

"I need to furniture," He spoke, "I ordered a few things online, should be delivered tomorrow," he shrugged.

He watched as Meredith walked around the large space, her hands touching the walls as she let out a sigh, "Derrick planned this whole area out for his personal man space," she smiled. "He never used it much though, because he said he always felt guilty like he was hiding from the kids down here."

"Mer, if you don't want me to move down here..." Alex frowned.

"No," She spoke turning to smile at him, "I want you to live here, it will be perfect for you."

"You sure?" He asked walking over and touching her arm, "I can stay upstairs? If this was Derrick's space..."

"No, it really never was," Meredith smiled. "I think he'd like it to be used, to be your space."

She walked over to the beige wall and slid down sitting on the cold wooden floor, sighing Alex walked over and sat down beside her, "Rough day?"

"Umhmm," She sighed. "Zola and the dance, those things throw me still," she shrugged. "Just when I think I'm getting my footing, when I'm figuring all this out, those curve balls suck." She spoke resting her head against the wall. "All the unexpected stuff, that's what I'm not good at."

"Yeah," Alex nodded. "Unexpected stuff's not fun."

"You thought you'd marry Jo and grow old, I was going to do the same with Derrick," she shrugged. "Unexpected things."

Alex frowned, "I thought I'd grow old with Izzy," he admitted dropping his head, "Figured she was the one I was supposed to do all this life stuff with, then I let myself think maybe it was Jo after all, now I figure it's nobody." He grunted.

"There's someone, there has to be," Meredith spoke. "What you did for Zola today was awesome. Thank you for stepping in like that. I had no idea what to say or do."

"To see that kid smile like that? I'll even do one of those dorky dances she was talking about." Alex laughed. "Your kids are awesome Mer, you're doing great with them."

"Because I have a whole village helping," she smiled. "I'd be a mess without everyone."

"I doubt that." Alex laughed.

"Derrick would have loved that cheesy dance," Meredith spoke up, "He would have embarrassed Zola so bad with his dancing too."

"He did have some horrible dance moves," Alex laughed. "Saw him a couple times try to dance."

"It was usually pretty bad," Meredith smirked.

"Izzy's was pretty rough too," he spoke suddenly.

"She was your post it note." Meredith said turning to him, "It wasn't Jo was it? It was always Izzy."

Alex sighed and let his head hit against the wall, "Yeah, she was mine. We had all these plans, kids named and everything, and then it all got screwed up. I mean don't get me wrong, I love Jo, but Izzy." He frowned.

"Yeah."

"We planned out the whole life thing you know? And then it was over, and there was Jo finally, so I was stupid and thought maybe I could do the whole thing with her. I let myself go there, love her after Izzy..."

"Are you over her?" Meredith asked. "Really over?"

"Izzy?"

"Yes, Izzy."

"Yeah," Alex nodded. "Have been, but still sometimes..."

"Yeah." Meredith frowned.

"Unexpected things really suck." He muttered.

Meredith rested her head on his shoulder, "They totally do."


	4. Just Keep Moving

_When you're little you think growing up will be fun. You tell yourself it's all going to be so much better. You'll get to stay up late, eat whatever you want, make your own rules. Sometime in the middle though, between being grown and being a kid you start to rethink things. You realize growing up means bills, and aging, and all those decisions you were ready to make, look so much scarier the closer they get. Still, you have to move forward, because no matter how hard you try, you can't stop time. And sometimes if you're lucky, really lucky, being an adult is even better than you ever dreamed it'd be._

Alex smiled as he high-fived a seven year old that sat in a wheel chair looking up at him. "No more climbing trees at night Cade," he smirked. "Those broken legs aren't fun, got it?"

"Yes sir," Cade nodded.

"And if you climb during the day?"

"Don't go too high and make sure mom's outside," the little boy smiled.

"Good boy."

He watched as the nurse wheeled Cade out followed behind his mother. Some days were easier than others, he thought to himself.

"Hey Alex, can I talk to you?" He heard Jo sound behind him.

"And today's not one of them." He grumbled under his breath. Slowly he turned around as Jo's sad eyes made contact with his. "Do we have to do this?"

"I just..." She began. "You got most of your stuff, there's like nothing left much."

"Yeah, I'll come get the rest soon." He nodded. "I'll leave you the key under the mat or something." He shrugged.

"So we're really doing this?" Jo asked.

Alex let out a laugh, "Doing this? Jo we're not doing anything, that's kind of the point."

She dropped her head, "You know what I mean."

Alex frowned, "I proposed, offered to have kids, buy a dog, I would have even done the picket fence thing if you had asked, you turned it all down, so yes we are really doing this." He spoke.

"But, I just..."

"What Jo?" Alex asked.

"I didn't think things had to end."

"Well they can't stay the same," he frowned. "I want more than that, and obviously you don't."

"I do love you, you know." Jo frowned.

"Are you sure?" Alex laughed bitterly. "Because from where I stand you don't care enough about me to even consider a future." Dropping his head he ran his hand through his hair, "Look I'm not doing this now, I have patients to see, and then I have to pick Zola up from school."

"Meredith already has you doing carpool?" Jo huffed.

"Is there something wrong with me helping out with Mer's kids?"

"No, of course not, never has been," Jo spoke dryly.

"Look, maybe you can come by this weekend and get the rest of your stuff. We can talk this out..."

"Talk this out?" Alex laughed. "Do we have something to talk out?"

"I don't know.." Jo sighed.

"Have you changed your mind about anything?" He questioned.

"No but..."

Alex glared at her, "I have a date this weekend anyway."

Jo let out a gasp, "Seriously?"

Alex rolled his eyes, "With Zola," he added. "There's this daddy daughter thing at her school or something, so I told her I'd take her."

Jo glared at him, "You're taking her to a father/daughter dance? Really?"

"Do you want me to let her sit in her room and cry all night?" Alex asked.

"You're relationship with Meredith and those kids is a little much don't you think?"

"Guess that's not really your business anymore is it?" Alex questioned. "Whatever, I'm not doing this. I'll get the rest of my stuff when you're not home. I have to go."

"Alex wait..."

"No." He muttered, "I've waited long enough." He huffed turning on his his heal he let out a long sigh and he walked off.

* * *

Meredith stared at her chips as Maggie sat down at the lunch table. She smiled over at her sister as she let out a sigh and put her tray down.

"Today is a long day. Does it feel long to anyone else?"

Meredith nodded, "It's one of those dragging days for sure."

"I just want sleep and cake, in either order," Maggie frowned. "And not cafeteria cake, real bakery cake, maybe with ice cream."

"I'd just be happy with sleep," Meredith smiled. "Bailey had a nightmare last night, he ended up in my bed with his feet in my face."

"He kicks too doesn't he?" Maggie laughed. "Poor little guy, I think it was that movie Amelia let him watch the other night... I warned her, but she never listens."

"Listening is not one of Amelia's best qualities," Meredith agreed.

"Women will be the death of me." Alex's voice suddenly boomed as his tray plopped down on the table beside Meredith. She hadn't even realized he was behind her until he sat down.

"Long day for you too?" She asked with a smirk.

"Jo made me talk to her," he grumbled.

"That sounds fun," Meredith smiled.

"Right fun." He groaned. "She thought we could still be something."

"Seriously?" Maggie asked.

"Yeah, crazy right? She almost seemed offended I had moved out."

"She does understand why you left?" Meredith asked.

"Who knows," he shrugged stealing a fry from her tray. "I don't understand her, or any of you for that matter."

"You understand me," Meredith laughed.

"Sometimes," he shrugged. "Other times you go into weird girl mode and I figure it's best to leave you with the sisters or something."

"The sisters?" Maggie asked.

"Yeah, you and Sheppard." He spoke with a sigh. "I just don't want to do all the talking and crap, like we have something to say. We don't. It's stupid."

"Maybe she wants to work it out." Maggie shrugged.

Alex looked up at her and rolled his eyes, "Doubt it, nothing has changed. Women are just confusing."

Meredith laughed gently as Alex grabbed one of her chips, "Are you still going dress shopping with Zola today?"

"Yes," He spoke, "Why did you get barbecue chips? You always get Ranch Doritos. I like them better." He muttered. "And yes, I'm taking Zo to get a dress, thanks for that suggestion by the way," he smirked. "Afterward we are going by to get our puppy, and buy it's bed and things."

"So we are really getting a dog?" Maggie asked.

"Basset Hound," Alex nodded. "I got it from the shelter," he spoke, "The mom was a drop off and pregnant when she got there, I'm not promising it's full blooded but it sure looked like it."

"At least you're saving a life," Meredith sighed.

"That's what we do," he shrugged. "Had to wait for it to get old enough, Zola can't wait."

"She's excited about dress shopping too," Maggie smiled, "She was telling me all about it this morning."

Meredith laughed, "Because she knows Alex will spoil her."

"Shut it Grey, I have my ways, you have yours."

Meredith simply smiled as Alex grabbed another fry, this time stealing ketchup off Maggie's plate.

* * *

Alex yawned as he opened the front door and sat his keys down. His day had been much longer than he had expected. After picking Zola up and taking her dress shopping he had been called back to the hospital to deal with a set of newborn twins. He let out a sigh as he looked up and saw Meredith sitting outside by the fire. Without even thinking he grabbed a blanket, pushed back another yawn and headed toward the back door.

When he slid the door open he saw Meredith look back at him, her eyes dark.

"You okay?" He asked.

"I guess," she shrugged. "Long day?"

"Yes," He spoke sitting down beside her, "Dress shopping with Zola was interesting." He laughed.

Meredith eyed him, "You bought three dresses Karev," she smirked.

"She couldn't decide," he shrugged.

"I got Bailey a cool new bat and glove too," he smiled. "I thought I'd try him at some real ball, you know pitching and stuff."

"And that new talking Cinderella doll in Ellis' room, did you have something to do with that?" Meredith laughed.

"She sings too," Alex muttered as Meredith let out a laugh. "Shut up, Zola said she'd like it."

"She also seems to like the puppy too," Meredith smiled. "You spoil my children Karev."

"Her name is Anna," he shrugged. "Because Zo said she likes Anna better than Elsa," he laughed.

"Anna the Basset Hound," Meredith chuckled. "Nice."

Alex looked over at her and realized for the first time there was ice cream in her hand, "So why are you out here this late?"

"I think I'm old," she shrugged.

Alex let out a laugh, "Old?"

"I heard some of the doctors today talking about the hot new interns, and I remembered when that was us," she shrugged. "And then I had this patient, he was like late twenties, and he kept calling me ma'am."

"Maybe the dude was southern, they do that in the south."

"He wasn't calling the young hot nurse ma'am," she groaned. "It just hit me that I'm a frumpy mom that spends her off days in pajama pants eating ice cream and listening to music that's on the classic rock station now." She groaned. "When did all this happen."

"Dude," Alex laughed, "You're not old and frumpy."

"I am." Meredith groaned, "So I came home got the kids to bed and sulked on the couch until I got bored watching television and came outside with this ice cream."

"Nice." Alex laughed.

"It's not funny, I liked when we were the young and hot ones," she muttered.

"Shut up Grey, your still hot," Alex chuckled.

"You think I'm hot?" She asked arching a eyebrow.

"Uh yeah," He laughed, "Always have been." He shrugged, "Now you're just a hot mom, which is actually even better."

"This aging thing sucks," she groaned.

"You've barely freakin' aged," he smiled. "Quit having a pity party Mer, all the doctors still talk about how hot you are, you just never hear them." He shrugged.

"All?"

"Well not all," he laughed, "But I hear it."

"I hate when I get in my own head." She groaned.

Alex wrapped his arm around her and grabbed the ice cream out of her hand, she smirked and handed him the spoon, "You don't do it nearly as much as you used to," he shrugged.

"So I'm not old?" She grinned.

"Or frumpy." He nodded. "Seriously Mer, do you not realize how hot you are?"

"Even in my pajama pants?" She laughed.

"Well I might get rid of the Winnie the Pooh pair," he smirked shoving a bite of ice cream in his mouth, "But when you wear than flannel pair with that tiny red shirt..."

"Shut up Karev," she laughed.

"And then you decide to dance it out with your hair down..." He added trying not to laugh.

He watched as Meredith ducked her head, her laughter sounded out through the back yard as she shoved him gently with her shoulder. He wondered if she knew how beautiful she looked when her eyes lit up like that.

"Okay okay, I get it," Meredith smiled.

"Look, being hot and new was pretty awesome, and all that crazy inappropriate stuff was totally worth it," he smirked, "But now we're these adults and that's not too bad either. Dances with Zola, ball with Bailey, crazy huge breakfasts in the mornings, all that stuff is where we are now, and it's weird how amazing it is."

"Yeah it is pretty great." Meredith nodded.

"I used to never want to grow up," Alex laughed, "But this family stuff..."

"I know." Meredith nodded.

"When I was growing up I heard about it, but figured it was just stuff on TV," he sighed. "I used to actually watch old reruns of Leave it to Beaver and wonder if that kind of thing was real."

"Our lives our not Leave it to Beaver," Meredith chuckled.

"No, but it's just as awesome." Alex laughed. "And you can grow old if you want to, but the way I see it? I'm just getting better with age."

"Now that I can agree with." Meredith smiled.

"So," Alex spoke winking, "You sayin' you think I'm hot too?"

Meredith grabbed her ice cream from him and let out a laugh, "Shut up Karev."


	5. The Thing About Rumors

_Disclaimer: They aren't mine... I would have treated Alex much nicer over the years if they were._

 _A/N: I am beyond sorry about the delay. My grandmother recently passed away, and things have been crazy. Work, life, general things kept me from writing. But I'm renewed and back on track._

* * *

 _The thing with rumors is that they happen. Sometimes they have merit, other times they are complete works of fictions. Whatever the case, they are everywhere. School kids whispering in the hallways, co-workers at a lunch table, rumors are part of life. There's not much you can do about them either, you can ignore them, confront them, or just roll with them. Sometimes though, those rumors get you thinking, questioning what ifs and maybes, and when that happens, sometimes rumors can change everything._

Meredith leaned against the nurses station laughing as she watched the video in front of her on her phone. Her little girl in a beautiful lace dress, and Alex in a suit and tie dancing the night away, made her smile in a way she hadn't in awhile.

"Whatcha' got there?" She heard Jackson Avery ask. She looked up and smiled putting her phone up to show him.

He looked at the video and began to laugh, "Is that Karev doing the Nae-Nae?"

"It is indeed." She smirked.

"Karev is doing what?" Amelia spoke grabbing the phone as she walked up to them with Arizona beside her. With a snort she shook her head, "Oh this is good, this is so very, very good."

"He's making my Zola very happy," Meredith smiled.

"I didn't know he even danced," Avery laughed.

Arizona smiled, "A couple of the kids have been showing him some of the new dances. I've walked by the playroom and saw them. I knew not to say anything because he'd just huff and mutter," she added with a laugh.

"What's everyone laughing at?" Meredith heard a voice speak. She frowned when she turned to see Jo staring at them all. With a sigh, she plastered on a smile, "Alex took Zola to her dance tonight. I was just looking at some videos a friend at the school sent me." She spoke.

"Oh." Jo frowned .

"Apparently he's been catching up on all the new dance moves," Amelia chuckled. "Think he'll want to dance it out with us next time?" She asked handing Meredith her phone back.

"I don't see that happening."

"I don't know," Jo frowned, "It's obvious he'll do anything for you and your kids."

Amelia cocked her head to the side and stared at Jo, "You say that like it's a bad thing."

Jo shrugged, "I guess that depends on who you ask."

"Seriously?" Amelia asked.

Meredith sucked in a breath and let it out, as she stared back down at her phone. Forcing herself to ignore Jo, she smiled at the next video in front of her. Her beautiful little girl, slow dancing with Alex, her heart almost melted as he twirled her and then attempted a dip, causing both he and Zola to laugh.

"Alex is a incredible friend," Meredith finally said looking up. "It's hard for anyone to understand all we've been through, and why we are who we are," she spoke. "But anyone lucky enough to have him in their life, would be a fool to ever let him go." She added forcing one more smile as she let out a breath, looked at Jo one last time and walked off.

* * *

"And then they had this contest and me and Alex won, cause he was the funniest dancer there, and then when we did the super slow dance he only stepped on my feet twice but I think he was just pretending cause his eyes were all happy…."

There were moments in Alex's life he had stored in his memory and vowed never to forget. Very few of those had happened when he was growing up, most had started when he met a group of people that changed his life forever. He had stored the day he realized he was in love with Izzy, he had fought it because love and all that stuff was not him, but that day, he just knew. The day he realized his love for Peds was there, because seriously, who saw that coming, and the day John Hopkins wanted him, but today, Alex Karev stood at the doorway to the kitchen of his best friend, listening as her little girl explained the dance from the night before, and he knew that this moment, the smile on Zola's face, and the light in Meredith's eyes, would be stored right up there with all those big moments.

"I'm so glad you had a good night," Meredith laughed.

"It was the best night ever!" Zola gushed.

"That's because I had the prettiest date there," Alex spoke up.

"Alex!" Zola spoke running to hug him.

"Okay, okay, I get it, Alex is your new favorite person." Meredith smiled.

"I'm everyone's favorite person dude," Alex laughed.

"Alex, I'm we're not dudes!" Zola laughed.

"No we're not," Meredith smiled. "Now could you please go check on your brother for me? Aunt Maggie is going to take you all to the park today."

"Can Aunt Amelia take us instead?" Zola asked with as smirk.

"You'd rather go with Amelia?" Meredith questioned.

"Yeah, but just 'cause she lets us get ice cream." Zola giggled. "And sometimes pizza."

"Well maybe she can take you next time." Meredith laughed.

"Okay." Zola nodded as she let out a sigh and headed down the hall to find her brother.

"So Karev, seems you put on quite a show last night."

"Yeah? Is that what Zo is saying?"

"Yes, and then I had a couple moms message me this morning asking for your number." She grinned. "I guess they were helping out and were impressed by your dance moves?"

Alex let out a chuckle, "What can I say? The ladies love me."

Meredith rolled her eyes, "I even had one message me and ask if we were dating." She spoke.

Alex smirked and walked over to Meredith, he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close to him. He had always enjoyed flirting with her, pushing boundaries every now and then just to get a reaction , "Yeah?" He whispered in her ear with a teasing grin, "What did you tell her?"

"That you live with me," She spoke looking up at him. Turning toward him with his arms still around her waist, she wrapped hers around his neck, "And that you make am amazing omelet in the morning," she added with a grin. "Usually in a towel," She smirked.

"Mer," he smirked, "Seriously?"

Meredith burst into laughter as she pulled away from him, "Yeah, I kept it going for a little while, and then I explained that you're one of my best friends. Serves her right to think we're together anyway, she's always been a busy body."

"Half the hospital swears somethings been going on for awhile too, people suck Mer, it's just the way it is." He spoke grabbing a couple pieces of bread and putting it in the toaster.

Meredith turned to look at him, "The hospital?"

He saw the worry in her eyes, the look that had only showed up after Derrick had died. Fear that she wasn't good enough, wasn't doing things just right. Worry of how people saw her, that she wasn't the mother she should be, that her past was still her present. Sometimes he missed the carefree Meredith, but he knew time changed people. Every now and then though, when he saw it, he reminded himself that the girl with the bright eyes, and cocky smile was still in there.

"Not like your people, or you know the ones I actually tolerate, but yeah the rumor is there." Alex shrugged.

"I blame Jo," Meredith frowned, "She's convinced I ruined your relationship by having sucky luck and for just being here before her."

"Has she said something?" Alex asked. "Because if she's running her mouth to you…."

"You'll do nothing," Meredith smiled, "I'm a big girl, and can handle your ex girlfriend Karev."

Alex smirked, "Dude totally don't doubt that, just saying if she's said something to you, tell me."

"She applies things that annoy me," Meredith shrugged, "But she's always annoyed me a little, no offense."

"None taken." Alex nodded.

"So rumors really? About us?" Meredith questioned again.

"Oh yeah, closets, the bar, oh and the stairs, there was one about us being secretly engaged, good stuff actually." Alex grinned. "We've been a thing for awhile, just ask the nurses, they are convinced." He laughed.

"Why do I never hear these things?" She asked. "Wait, the stairs?"

Alex winked at her as he scooted closer to her again. "Yeah," he said in a low voice, "That one might be my favorite."

Meredith stared up at him for a moment and then swatted him on the arm, "Not amused Karev."

"Seriously Mer? We're two hot people, you're single, I'm…Me," he said with a grin, "People are going to run their mouth and say things. The way people swap around at that place? It was just a matter of time."

"Maybe I should throw you against the nurses station and kiss you then," she spoke rolling her eyes, "Just to give them something else to talk about."

"Well, I wouldn't object," Alex shrugged. "You've got to admit, we'd be hot together."

"These are not things I think about," Meredith spoke with a tiny laugh.

"Seriously? Never? In all our years?"

"Well," Meredith spoke, "Maybe once or twice, but I was probably drunk at least once of those," she joked.

"I knew it!" Alex laughed slapping the counter, "But seriously, the nurses in peds are convinced we've got something going on."

"Alex…" Meredith warned. "Do they think I'm still inappropriate? Because I'm not you know, not anymore."

"You're not going to start your frumpy speech again are you?" Alex groaned.

"No," Meredith sighed, "And I tossed all my ugly mom pj's," She added.

"Mer," Alex groaned. "Look, you married Derrick, got the house, the kids, and all the fixings, no one things you're inappropriate anymore, but dude no one thinks you're frumpy either."

"They just think you're having your way with me in closets?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah, pretty much."

"You're right, people suck."


	6. Maybe It's About Letting Go

_Someone once said that letting go wasn_ _'t what hurt, what hurt was actually the holding on. It's a true statement if you think about it. We hold on to love that will never be, we hold on to the past, because we miss it, because it's what we know. We hold on to people, even when we know it's pointless. We grasp and we cling to these things, desperately trying to keep them, and we hurt, we hurt every step of the way because we think this is the only way. It's the letting go though that sometimes brings us freedom, sometimes if we just let go, the pain will end, the hoping will go away and we can just move on. Sometimes if we just let go, the present and future can finally arrive and when it does? Oh how beautiful it can truly be._

Meredith casually set her food down on the table as she took her seat. With a sigh she looked around at the people around her and thought about how the faces at the table had changed over the years. Sometimes it was hard to believe, Alex was the only constant. Today, Maggie, Amelia, and Owen sat, as she took her place beside Maggie.

"So," she began letting out a breath, "Was I the only one that didn't know I've apparently been hooking up with Karev for months now?" She asked bluntly.

For a moment, if she closed her eyes, she could hear Cristina say something about the Evil Spawn, or see Izzy look at her with big doe eyes, just for a moment, she could see Lexie let out a nervous cough, and George drop his spoon. Today, the past plagued her for some reason, but in the here and now, three pair of eyes just stared at her, as she waited for an answer.

"Wait, so you're just hearing about this?" Amelia asked.

"Alex told me, and yes I'm just now hearing about it." She nodded. "So you've all known? Heard the rumors?"

"Well, yeah," Maggie nodded, "But you know how rumors are…"

"So wait, you and Karev, you've never?" Owen asked as Amelia let out a chuckle.

"No!" Meredith spoke rolling her eyes. "So this is really a thing? People really think it? Is that why Jo hates me?"

"I doubt it," Maggie shrugged. "Friendships with guys just tend to lead to jealous girlfriends," she shrugged.

"If it will help, the next time I hear the rumors, I'll squash them," Owen offered.

"That's very kind of you," Meredith spoke dryly.

"I'll do what I can," Owen smirked as he stood up. "I'll see you ladies later."

Amelia watched as Owen walked off and turned to look at Meredith, "So lets be real here, you and Karev, you've never even thought about it? I mean, he's a good looking guy," Amelia grinned. "Seriously good looking," she added.

"And without a shirt?" Maggie spoke arching a eyebrow.

Meredith was almost speechless as she looked at the women in front of her. Alex was her person, he was, he was well, her Alex, what they had was odd, she totally got that, but most of her relationships, platonic or not had always been somewhat inappropriate. Still, thinking of him in that way seemed odd. Sure she knew he was good looking, and she'd be lying if she said she'd never noticed his abs, or the way his jeans sometimes fell just right…. Shaking her head she wanted to smack Maggie and Amelia for putting those thoughts in her head.

"So is this the two of you confessing that you've been lusting over Karev since he's been at the house?" Meredith asked with a grin.

"She's avoiding the question." Maggie smirked.

Meredith rolled her eyes, "He's Alex, he's my person, we are what we are."

"And what is that?" Maggie asked.

"Best friends," She shrugged.

"Does he know you're just best friends?" Maggie asked.

"Of course he does."

"Denial." Ameila shrugged. "I think they both have a case of it."

Meredith let out a groan, "We are not now, and have never hooked up, at home, in the hospital or anywhere else. So if you hear that we are can you please put a end to the rumors?"

"Of course," both women nodded together.

"Thank you." Meredith sighed.

* * *

Alex groaned as he saw Jo standing by the elevator, he had looked for his father's watch for a week and hadn't found it. It had been the one thing he had of his father's that meant something to him. He had avoided asking Jo about it for obvious reasons, but he figured today he might as well give in. Dealing with her lately hadn't been easy, any time they talked it was strained and somehow she would manage to get in some barb about Meredith, and seriously? Talking about Mer and the kids, was just something he couldn't deal with.

"Hey, you got a second," He called out to her.

She looked up at him, her eyes confused for a moment, "Uh yeah, I guess so?"

"So yeah," he said running his hand through his hair, "I can't find my watch, you know my father's or whatever. I was wondering if maybe I left it there or something?"

"I haven't seen it," She shrugged, "But you can come by and look?"

Alex frowned, "Well I thought if you ran across it, you'll let me know?"

"Alex, I'm not going to keep your father's watch, I know what it means to you."

"Okay thanks," he nodded stiffly.

"I hate this you know," Jo spoke quickly. "All of this."

Alex grunted and took a step back, "We're not doing this." He spoke under his breath. "I just can't okay?"

"I miss you." She spoke. "I miss us."

"There is no us." He said glaring down at the floor.

"Really? You want me to believe that?" Jo asked.

"How many times do we have to do this?" Alex groaned. "I need something real, and whatever we were, it wasn't real, it wasn't going anywhere. You refused over and over again to let it go anywhere real."

"I have reasons." Jo frowned.

"Then tell me what it is? Give me the reasons." Alex asked. "Look, I can deal with pretty much anything. I've lived all kinds of nightmares so try me, tell me why you can't commit to me."

Jo dropped her eyes, "I can't."

"Yeah," Alex nodded, "That's what I figured."

"But I do love you, and I miss you Alex, you have no idea how much I miss you."

Every time she went there, he felt a pounding in his head, and his heart seemed to rip just a little. He looked at her, and knew there was no going back. He had loved this girl, not a Izzy kind of loved, but he had loved her. He had planned a future in his mind with her, but she wasn't ready. For whatever reason, she couldn't commit, couldn't do a stable relationship and that's what he wanted. Alex freakin' Karev wanted real, he wanted kids and a wife and one of those stupid picket fences. Yeah, he knew he was reaching and he'd probably never get that life, but something close, just something real. As he looked at Jo, he just didn't see that anymore, as he saw the sadness in her eyes he realized that she really was his past.

"This isn't going to happen," he spoke slowly, "You have to stop doing this."

"Doing what?"

"Telling me you love me, making me think for like two seconds you've changed your mind, only to go back to the same crap as always. It's gotta end Jo, all of it."

"I just thought…"

"That if you told me you loved me I'd come back? We'd live together for the next 50 years without moving forward?" He asked. "I get it, that works for some people, and good for them, but whatever I want more. I want a actual commitment. Maybe you're good with the other, but I guess I realized I'm not."

"What's wrong with just being together?" Jo asked. "Why does it have to be all or nothing?"

"Because I want _all_ with someone Jo, I don't know when and how it happened, but I want all."

"Do you want it with Meredith? Because that's sure what it's seemed like!" Jo hissed.

Alex held back the anger that bubbled inside as he watched people walk by. He wanted to yell at her, wanted to scream that he could do a lot worse that Meredith. Actually, Meredith was one of the most amazing people he'd ever met. She believed in commitment and family, and despite all her whining and lack of self esteem lately, she was beautiful, probably more now than back in her weird, dark days or whatever she called him. She had this laugh, oh that laugh, and the twinkle in her eye, but whatever they were best friends, and he was tired of explaining that to everyone.

Alex glared at her for a moment, "No, but if I did you know what? It wouldn't be any of your business."

Jo frowned and crossed her arms against her chest. "So that's it?"

"Yeah," Alex sighed, "That's it."

"Fine. If I find you're watch I'll let you know."

"Yeah." Alex nodded. "Thanks."

* * *

 _He was there, standing in front of her, he was really there. In blue gym shorts and a plain white tshirt playing with the kids. She stared at him intently, watched as he twirled Zola around and then ran over and tickled Ellis. It had to be a dream, Derek was in their house, laughing and loving on their babies._

" _He's a good dad." She heard a perky voice speak from beside her. She turned and looked to her side and saw Lexie smiling over at her. "Seriously you hit the jack pot with that guy sis."_

" _Lex?"_

" _Yeah?" Her sister smiled._

" _What are you…"_

" _Oh, I'm always around." Lexie spoke with a smile._

" _I've missed you." Meredith spoke in a bare whisper._

" _Yeah? And to think when we first met you just wanted me to disappear."_

" _Lex, no…"_

" _It's okay, I was joking," Lexie laughed. "Smile Meredith, everything is good."_

" _I have really missed you." Meredith repeated._

" _I've missed you too," she smiled._

" _Are you happy?" Meredith asked. "_

" _Very, Mark too." She added. "We're together Mer, isn't it great."_

" _Wonderful," she smiled. "But I want you here."_

" _I know, but sometimes things just work out different than what we want. It's okay though, to be happy, you've always had the best laugh, you should do that more often." Lexie smiled._

" _I've missed this…" Meredith sighed._

" _I know, but I really have to go, Mark's waiting." Lexie smiled._

" _Now? You have to go now?"_

" _Yes, but promise me you'll smile more okay?"_

" _Okay," Meredith nodded. "I love you, I do I know I never said it much or anything."_

" _I always knew," Lexie laughed, "It's okay. I love you too."_

" _Are you sure you have to go?"_

" _Yeah," Lexie nodded. "Just promise me you'll be happy, it's okay to be happy, give new things a chance. Amazing what can happen when you least expect it, look at me and Mark!"_

 _Meredith heard Zola laugh and turned to look, when she turned back to answer her sister she was gone. "Lex…"_

" _Did you say something Mer?" She heard Derek call over as he stood up and walked over too her._

" _I can't believe you're here."_

" _I've always been full of surprises," Derek laughed as she wrapped her arms around him._

" _I've been thinking about you, and missing you and you're here." She spoke, "Right here, with me."_

" _And you are beautiful, look at you!"_

" _I'm old and frumpy."_

" _My wife will never be old and frumpy." He laughed. "Did you know Bailey had the arm of a Quarterback. You better get ready for Friday night lights because he's gonna play ball." He laughed. "And Ellis is just like you, so smart and sassy. I can't believe how tall Zola is, they are all incredible. I knew our kids were all going to be geniuses."_

" _I love you." Meredith frowned. "Derek, I never got to say it all… I had so much left to say.."_

" _Hey, it's okay, I already know."_

" _But, I want to tell you…"_

 _She felt Derek's arms go around her, "Hey, I knew from day one with you, it was a always type thing," Derek smiled. "And just look at what we built together."_

" _But then you left me."_

" _I'm here Mer, I'll always be here."_

" _That's what Lexie said too."_

" _Then believe her. What we have? It never goes away."_

" _I won't let it," she promised._

" _Hey," he smiled. "You be happy though okay? All I've ever wanted was for you to be happy, the way your eyes light up and you throw your head back and laugh? Laugh Mer, I want you to shine and sparkle."_

" _It's hard. Everything is so messy crazy hard."_

" _You do messy crazy hard better than anyone I know," Derek laughed. "You've got this, I know you do."_

" _I miss you, even the things that annoy me." She frowned._

" _Be happy Mer." Derek smiled again. "You were born to shine."_

Meredith's eyes flew open and she let out a tiny cry as she sat up in bed. The room was dark and cold, and she was alone. She had been dreaming, she realized as she wrapped her arms around herself. Lexie and Derek were gone, their scent and their smiles gone again. She felt her breath grow fast as she closed her eyes. Maybe if she closed her eyes long enough she could see them again, feel Derek's arms around her and hear Lexie giggle, but there was nothing but darkness. She felt her hands shaking as she pulled her phone from the night stand and typed a text with shaky fingers.

 **Are you awake?**

He answered back almost instantly.

 **Yeah whats wrong?**

 **Can I come down? I had a dream**

 **Door is open**

 **You sure?**

 **Mer the door is open**

She let out a breath she didn't even know she was holding and ran, not even bothering to put on a robe.

* * *

He heard her quietly slip into the basement almost instantly, the door closing carefully behind her. He had the television on as her shadow came into view from the doorway of his bedroom. There was a look on her face, sadness, shock, and something else mixed in.

"Nightmare?" He asked as he looked up at her.

"Just a dream." She whispered.

He scooted over in the bed and patted the right side, "Come on," he told her. "Tell me about it."

Meredith simply nodded as she walked over and crawled into the bed. "You are wearing clothes right?" She asked him.

"Yes Mer, between all you women and children I do at least wear pants," He smirked.

"Good." She spoke pulling the comforter up against her. "I saw them," she spoke softly, "Lexie and Derek, in my dream, I saw them."

"Oh."

"They were happy, and watching the kids, I touched them, and they were laughing and smiling,"

"Mer, that's a good dream." Alex spoke. "Most of mine are nightmares, screaming and dark stuff, usually in black and white," he admitted.

"They left me." She frowned looking over at him. "They were here, in the house, and then I woke up and they were gone."

"But you got to see them."

"They left me."

Alex frowned, and then he watched as she slowly moved closer to him. Without a word he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her the rest of the way. Her head fell to his shoulder and he heard her let out a soft whimper. He turned to look at her and he saw the tears in her eyes. If he could fix it he would, if he could bring Lexie, and Derek, even Mark back, he'd do it in a second. He'd make everything right again if it was possible but it wasn't. They were gone, almost everyone Mer had ever loved as gone. It was ironic that death had took them when it was the thing they fought against. In their career they worked hours after hours to fight death and yet there Meredith sat, missing so may people. Death sucked, it really did.

"Hey, dreams like that can be good though," he tried. "Were they happy?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "They kept telling me to be happy too."

"Maybe you should listen." Alex smiled as he wiped a strand of tears from her eyes.

"I'm pathetic right?" She asked.

"Nah, you're human."

"Well that's no fun," she muttered.

"Tell me about it. Feelings and crap, it all bites."

"Yeah." She nodded.

"Derek saw Ellis, he said she was just like me. He saw her, maybe that means he sees her? Or maybe it was just a dream and I'm being a total sap."

"Hey, we don't know anything," he shrugged. "Maybe he does." Alex smiled. "And he's right, she's just like you."

"Lexie said she was with Mark, I want to believe that too."

"Then believe it. Believe they are all happy and okay," Alex said.

"It was a good dream." She spoke slowly with a smile. "I saw them and that was good."

"Yeah, it totally was."

"What are you watching?" She suddenly asked pointing to the television. "Is this Friends?"

"Yeah so?"

"You watch Friends?"

"Shut up." Alex groaned handing her his remote.

"I never took you for a Ross and Rachel fan Karev," She grinned.

"Dude I'm not." He shrugged. "Chandler and Monica are cool," He shrugged, "But if you tell anyone."

"I won't breathe a word," Meredith spoke. "Hey is this the season they got together?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "They were like trying to hide it or something in this episode."

He felt her snuggle against him more and this time her head rested against his bare shoulder. He didn't say a word, he just wrapped his arm tighter and let her rest as she flipped through channels rattling on about favorite shows and how sappy movies she refused to watch. It scared Alex for a moment at how comfortable this felt, how normal it seemed. This was his best friend, his person or something, but when he was with her, it was the only time he felt…home. Shaking out the thought he sighed as she finally went back to his episode of Friends.

"Do you think I can stay down here a little longer?" She suddenly asked. "I just…"

"Mer, it's fine." He smiled. "As long as you need too."

"You sure?"

"Are you seriously asking me that?"

"Just making sure," She nodded. "Hey did you know Jo was fuming all day about something? She almost knocked April down."

"Yeah… We had words." He grunted.

"Again?"

"For the last time." He sighed. "She loves me, that's what she said. I asked for my watch and she said she loved me."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, but then she went all Jo again, and I'm just over it all."

He saw Meredith look up at him, studying him for a moment before she spoke, "You really are. You're done this time."

"You can tell?"

"Yeah," she smiled. "You're done."

"How can you…"

"I'm your person Karev, deal with it."

"Whatever." he grinned.

"Did you know that even Maggie and Amelia knew the rumors about us?" She spoke up again randomly. "They even gave me the third degree about it."

"Seriously?" He smirked.

"Yeah, I think they even believed them."

"Hmmm." He spoke.

"What?" She asked looking up at him.

"Nothing, just amuses me is all."

"Yeah, it's nuts right."

Alex nodded. "Yeah," He whispered. "Crazy."


	7. This is Not A Thing

_We spend our lives planning, we spend years trying to decide who we want to be when we grow up, the type of person we want to fall in love with, the house we are going to live in. We plan, and we plan, and we work to make sure all those things happen. We work so hard to make our all dreams come true, but sometimes, sometimes life just shows up. Just like a whirlwind it comes in and it knocks every dream we had to the floor and leaves us there, scattered and broken to pick of the pieces. When the dust settles and we stand again, we find that nothing will ever be just as we planned. The dreams we had sometimes just weren't meant to be and we have to make new ones. Sometimes everything we wanted becomes yesterday, and we have to build again. We think it will be horrible, we fight it, struggle against the new, because the truth is, new is scary, the unplanned is too uncertain, and all we desperately want to do is just stay frozen in the past we planned._

He felt the warm body curled up to him, with a sigh he wrapped his arms tighter resting his head in the crook of her neck. He sucked in a deep breath taking in her scent, clean, crisp, lavender….Meredith. His eyes came open as the night before suddenly came back to him. He moved gently as his eyes registered the woman beside him. She was cuddled up to him, his arms around her, and hers holding his. Meredith.

He looked at her, watched as she slept and frowned. He knew he should wake her, knew he needed to move away, but for some crazy reason he couldn't. She fit perfectly against him, and even though he knew it should be weird, it felt…right. He shook his head, trying to get rid of whatever nutso thoughts he was having. It was early, and he'd been alone for a few weeks now, plus Meredith was hot, he'd never denied that, so obviously that's all it was. He was just being a guy.

He swallowed as she pulled one of his arms closer to her, and let out the tiniest sigh. Moving his now free arm, he softly moved a strand of hair from her face and saw a smile fall across her face. His heart raced as she pulled closer to him. Crap. This was not good.

Taking a breath he tugged his arm away from her with a frown, "Mer." He whispered.

"Hmm."

"Mer, it's morning, and you're kinda still here." He finally said as her eyes softly fluttered open.

She rolled over slowly as her eyes opened, and then he saw them go wide. "What…." She muttered.

"We fell asleep last night." He spoke pointing to the televison that was still on. "Congrats, you finally slept with me." He smirked.

He felt the tiny punch as it hit his arm and he let out a laugh as her she began to stir in the bed, "Karev…"

"Too early for jokes?" He asked.

"I slept down here? All night? And now it's morning? What if the kids are up? And my sisters?" She rattled. "This could be bad, they'll think stuff, stuff they were already thinking but now.. Bad this is bad."

"Grey chill," Alex chuckled, "This is not the reaction I usually get when a woman wakes up in bed with me," he added.

"I will hit you again," Meredith warned. "What time is it?"

Alex grabbed his phone from his nightstand and let out a laugh, "Um I have a text, I think it's for you."

Grabbing his phone from him her eyes widen, "Tell Mer to sleep in, we've got the kids covered. Looks like you two had a long night." She read out loud. "Maggie? Maggie sent this? Oh….She must have came down here?"

"Probably, so you just explain what happened, no big deal." Alex shrugged.

"Right because that's all it's gonna take."

"Mer, it's no big deal. You've fell asleep in bed with me before," Alex spoke. "You'll explain to Maggie and it'll be fine."

"Yeah but I usually woke up, like before morning," she groaned.

Alex sighed as he threw is legs out of bed and stood, stretching as he let out a yawn. "Look, the kids are off to school, the sisters are off to work, and I think we both have later shifts right?" He asked. "So get up and have some coffee with me or something." He said letting out another yawn. He turned back to look at her and saw her staring at him, was Meredith checking him out?

"New work out program," He smirked, "Working huh?" He asked.

"What?" She asked. "Karev!" She spoke grabbing a pillow and tossing it at him. "Shut it!"

"You were checking me out Grey, I saw you."

"I was thinking you needed to put some clothes on," she muttered. "Shut up."

"It's okay, I check you out all the time, seriously, we're adults, it's whatever," he shrugged.

"So do you check Maggie and Amelia out too?" She asked arching her eyebrow.

"What? No?" He said making a face, "That'd be weird."

"But looking me up and down's not?" Meredith asked.

"Nope, not at all," He shrugged.

"Our friendship is really twisted Karev."

"But we do it so well," he grinned adding a wink.

"So new workout you say?" She asked smirking as she eyed him. "Jo's loss." She added with a grin.

"Impressive huh?" He said letting out a laugh.

"You do seem more toned," She observed, "But seriously…clothes?"

"Thought the basement was my domain?" He grinned.

"You're right, forgive me," Meredith spoke with a tiny smile. "You seem in a better mood today?"

"Guess I'm just really realizing I've let Jo go. Like I'm good with it now, it feels final or whatever, and I don't know, may sound stupid but final feels good."

"Well any girl that would refuse to marry you or help you raise a puppy, has to be crazy in my book," Meredith sighed. "Seriously, you've dealt with enough women with issues to last a life time, maybe now you can close that book and find someone more…stable."

"That's your nice way of saying I pick the nutjobs right Mer?" He teased. "Because believe me, I am over that."

"They just have issues, that's all." Meredith spoke with a hint of a smile.

"Right issues." Alex scoffed. "How about you? Feeling better today?" He asked changing the subject. He saw her eyes fall and her mouth tighten and he knew she still wasn't doing well.

"I can't believe I fell asleep," Meredith frowned. "Last night was rough."

Alex sat back down on the bed, "That dream really hit you huh?"

"I just didn't want it to end, and then when I woke up, all I wanted to do was go back," she shrugged. "It was so real."

He moved his hand out and touched her arm, "I'm sorry, dude this all still sucks."

"Thanks for letting me come down here last night, I seriously couldn't have handled that alone."

"Mer," he spoke, "Anytime you need to bunk with me, you got it," he spoke. "I'll even try to sneak you back upstairs before the morning crowd rises next time." He grinned.

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea."

"And seriously who cares what people think about us? Let them think what they want, our friendship is our freakin' business."

He watched as a smile spread across Meredith's face, "Because when have either of us worried about reputations?" She asked him.

"Ha, exactly."

"Derek told me to shine," She spoke up, "What do you think that means?" She asked, "Or am I crazy and just reading too much into any of this?"

Alex smiled as he scooted closer to her, "Mer, you are one of those people that's just supposed to shine, or sparkle or whatever," he shrugged, "You walk into a room and there's like this light around you," he mumbled, "You know, people just look up and notice you. You can't lose that because life sucks or people are gone."

"You think I sparkle?" Meredith asked eyeing him. "Alex Karev, you think I sparkle."

Alex let out a grunt, this woman would be the death of him, sometimes he was sure of it. She drove him crazy, and yet he was sure, he would do anything for her. It scared him a little, the hold her and the kids had on him, and lately he had found himself trying to figure out what it all meant. He really needed to hang out with men again, because seriously all this living in the house with women was starting to get to him.

"We should get coffee, and I need to feed the puppy," he spoke. "Hey, lets go out for breakfast this morning."

"Out?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah, you go in later this morning right?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "Unless something comes up."

"Then let's do it. We need to get out of this funk we've been in." He shrugged.

"New day?" She smiled.

"Yeah, something like that." Alex nodded. Bending down he pressed a kiss to her forehead, "Go get dressed Grey, time for both of us to get back to living."

"How inspirational of you Karev," She chuckled as she stood.

"Just go get ready," He groaned.

He watched as Meredith headed out and as he plopped down on his bed and put his head in his hands, "She's Meredith dude, Meredith." He muttered to himself before falling back on the bed and staring up at the ceiling. He just needed a shower and some coffee and he'd be okay, he sighed, at least he hoped he would.

* * *

His arms had been around her, and she had been against him, perfectly wrapped up in Alex Karev's embrace. She would never tell him she had been awake for a while, or that she didn't want to move. She had felt him nuzzle her neck, felt his fingers rub against her arms and she just remained there. It was Alex, she had been cuddling her freakin' person, and it had felt right somehow. She knew it was crazy, and was sure it was just because she had been alone for so long. Alex was a man, a very attractive man, and she was just a woman who did really dumb things sometimes, she groaned. She had been alone, without Derek for too long, and Alex was the only man, only person really that made her feel safe.

She walked into her bedroom and grabbed her phone, rolling her eyes as she saw texts from Amelia and Maggie, she groaned. She'd deal with those two later, Maggie would believe her, but knowing Amelia she'd probably have some kind of sister reaction, and accuse her of replacing Derek.

Walking over to her desk she grabbed her iPad, she needed to talk to Cristina. Sighing as she waited to see if Cristina would answer she smiled as her best friend's face came into view.

"Mer hey." Cristina spoke.

"Hey yourself."

"Okay, what's wrong?" Cristina asked.

"Wrong? What does something have to be wrong?"

"It doesn't have to be, but it is." Cristina spoke. "So spill."

"Maybe I just wanted to see your face."

"You're stalling," Cristina groaned, "I hate it when you do that."

Meredith frowned, "The whole hospital thinks I'm having some kind of fling with Alex."

"You and Evil Spawn? Go on."

Meredith rolled her eyes, "It's not true, but then I had a dream last night, and went down to the basement…"

"Meredith Grey, are you being inappropriate again?" Cristina asked.

"No!" I fell asleep down there and woke up this morning, you know, in his arms." Meredith frowned. "Nothing happened, it was just…nice."

"You found waking up in the arms of Karev nice?" Cristina asked.

"He's changed a lot for you information," Meredith frowned, "But yeah, and it just freaked me out."

"I would imagine so, he's evil spawn and you're all giddy after a cuddle fest with him," Cristina winced. "These are the reasons I should have never left."

"He hasn't been evil spawn in a long time," Meredith groaned, "And I'm not giddy, it's just…We spend a lot of time together, and he's just Alex, and this morning was weird."

"Butterfly feelings weird?" Cristina asked. "Because I can get on a plane…"

Meredith sighed, "No, just nice, like I didn't want to leave weird."

"And now you're all in your head because you're Meredith and that's what you do. He's a guy, you're a girl, it was morning, and you haven't been in anyone's arms in awhile, realize Mer, this is not a thing, don't make it a thing."

"Right, it's normal and not weird, it's not a thing."

"Do not make this a thing." Cristina said again.

"Thank you, that's exactly what I needed to hear."

"Of course it is. Can I go now? I have work to do."

"Yes you can."

"It is not a thing Grey," Cristina warned as the Facetime ended.

"It is not a thing." Meredith nodded standing up as she heard Alex coming up the stairs.

"Hey Mer, did you feed Anna?"

"Maggie left a text that she did," She spoke as Alex stood in the doorway. "She left many texts actually.

Alex smirked, "About our wild night together?"

"I have to get ready Karev."

" I thought that's was what you were doing Grey?"

"Cristina, I was talking to Cristina," She said.

"Oh, okay, well I'll straighten up the kitchen. I'm guessing Sheppard cooked this morning. I swear someone should tell her to pick up her messes." He grumbled.

Meredith let out a little chuckle, "This domesticated thing is kinda sexy Karev."

"Geez Mer, still flirting?" He asked with a laugh. "You should see me in apron," He added as he let out a loud laugh and shook his head walking out of her bedroom.

She smiled as she shut her door, he was her person, and they were what they were, and there was nothing to it. This was okay, and she wasn't going to let other peoples thoughts to invade her mind. It was not a thing, not a thing at all…..

* * *

They walked into the hospital laughing about a young couple fighting over coffee preferences in the coffee shop they had ate at. Meredith had just said something about the girl being immature when Alex saw everyone staring at them at the main desk.

Jo's eyes caught his first and they shot him a look that made him want to run, scream and laugh at the same time. Seriously, this was not good.

"Just friends huh Alex?" She blurted out at him. "Seriously? Just how long have you made a fool of me?" She yelled as she stormed past him.

Meredith frowned and looked up at him, "Oh this is bad." She muttered.

"Really Mer?" Alex heard Amelia say. "You can do whatever you want to do but with me in the house? My brother's dream house? Nice." She she grumbled turning and walking away.

"What? But she's the one that asked me why we weren't…" Meredith frowned.

"Crap." Alex muttered.

"Yeah, I think that pretty much sums it up."


	8. Rumor Has It

_Denial is amazing thing. It can keep you from facing things that hurt, things that your brain just isn_ _'t ready to deal with. Denial, can keep us going when everything else face. It may not be healthy but sometimes it's needed, sometimes it's required. The thing about denial is, at some point it begins to fade, and realization slowly becomes to seep in. When that happens, when it becomes too hard to pretend anymore? That's when things get complicated._

Meredith grabbed her sister's arm as she caught her heading toward the cafeteria, "Maggie." She spoke.

"Oh hey Mer,"

"Hey," Meredith spoke bluntly. "Care to tell me why the second I walked in this morning with Alex, we both got screamed at?"

"Oh gosh," Maggie frowned. "I was looking for you this morning, and when I saw you weren't in your bed I went downstairs, and well…."

"Nothing?"

"Nothing."

"Look, I tried to make it back upstairs before Amelia got out of the shower but she saw the two of you too. He was spooning you Mer, and it looked like something had happened," She frowned. "I didn't think much of it because Amelia has been joking about the two of you but she flipped out."

Meredith dropped her head, "I had a dream about Lexie and Derek, that they were there, and they talked to me, and when I woke up…"

"Oh," Maggie frowned. "You couldn't sleep."

"No, so I went downstairs and was just watching television with Alex and we fell asleep."

"Are you okay?" Maggie asked touching her arm. "Dreams like that can be tough."

"Wait…" Meredith spoke, "You believe me?"

Maggie shrugged, "Sure, why wouldn't I?"

Meredith let out a breath, "I could hug you right now, but I won't, because yeah, I just won't," She smiled. "But how does Jo know? She ran past us fuming, and now she swears something has been going on for awhile."

Maggie frowned, "She overheard Owen trying to calm Amelia down. He was taking your side apparently, or at least telling Amelia you had a right to move on, especially in your own house. I was going to text you and warn you but I've had one emergency after another this morning…"

"It's fine, I just have to fix this now," Meredith groaned. "I just don't want people thinking I've gone back to all inappropriate or whatever."

"Look, I've heard a lot of stories about who you were before," Maggie smiled, "But I don't know that Meredith, I know this one, and even if I don't understand your relationship with Alex, I get that he's your anchor. The thing is, when you do decide it's time to move on, I can't think of anyone better suited for you than him."

"But.."

"I have to go, if I plan to eat anything today this is my window," Maggie sighed. "But I believe you okay?"

"Thanks."

"Yeah," Maggie nodded.

"No, Maggie, seriously, thank you." Meredith spoke with a tiny smile.

* * *

Alex knew following Jo was a bad idea, he knew it in the pit of his stomach, knew it in his head, but he followed anyway. Why should he stop doing dumb things now, it was just who he was. With a groan he followed her into a on call room, and frowned and she turned to face him.

"What are you doing?" She yelled. "Shouldn't you be chasing after Meredith?"

"Probably but I'm here anyway," he shrugged. "Look whatever you think happened, it didn't, and it never has."

"I heard Dr. Shepherd talking about what she saw!" Jo fumed. "I knew it, I knew it all a long but you kept swearing it wasn't true, and I listened like a idiot."

"It wasn't true, it's not true now." Alex groaned. "I never cheated on you with Meredith,not that it's your business but we're not doing anything now."

"So you weren't cuddling in bed with her this morning? Cuddling Alex? You hate to freakin' cuddle!"

"Yes!" Alex frowned, "She slept downstairs with me last night, and I guess that's how we ended up, I don't know I was asleep! But nothing happened."

"So what, she just sleeps in your bed now?" Jo asked.

Alex felt his temper rising, "She had a freakin' dream about her dead sister and husband!" He yelled, "She dreamed they were there, and she was with them and then woke up in a cold dark room all alone and had to face the fact that they were gone all over again. Do you know what that's like? Do you? Because I don't and I can't imagine it. So yeah, she had a dream and woke up all shook up and came down stairs! She was shaking when she got there, crying and shaking and just wanting five more seconds with her husband and sister! That's why she was there, that's what happened!" He shouted.

"I…." Jo spoke stepping back.

"What? Want to accuse me of something else? Our breakup wasn't about me, our breakup was about you and your screwed up issues. Believe it our not I've dealt with most of mine," Alex fumed.

"So you've never slept with Meredith?"

"No." Alex groaned.

"Yet?" Jo asked. "Because it's probably just a matter of time."

"And if I do, we're over Jo, you made that clear when you turned me down."

"Amelia saw her though…"

"Look," he frowned. "She crawls in bed with me sometimes, when the silence is too much, when she smells her husbands scent or remembers the way her sister used to laugh. Sometimes when she keeps Sofia and she sees her smile or watches her play with Zola, it's too much, and we sit outside all night while she wonders when Sofia and Zola will forget about their fathers. That's our lives Jo, that's the life Meredith lives everyday."

"I'm sorry." Jo swallowed. "I didn't know."

"When she's here, she's strong and fearless, but at home she's a mother that has to face the fact that her youngest daughter never met her father, and her son will never remember him. You don't know her Jo, you don't get it at all. She tells her kids stories about their dad every night, and then she stares out into the darkness after they go to bed. She needs me, and you know what I need her! She's here, she stayed, and I stayed too, and we get each other, all the screwed up, messed up ways our brains think, we get it. She needs me, they need me."

"I….wow."

"I tried to tell you, over and over when we were together I tried to show you what she was going through but you didn't care. Meredith is the only person that gets me, she's never gave up on me, even when she should have, she was there. I will never turn my back on her either."

"Don't you find it odd, that if need be, you'd choose her over everyone? That if it came down to it, you'd pick Meredith and those kids over anyone in your life? Including me? Seriously Alex, you're not stupid, think about it. Fine, you never cheated on me with Meredith, but I don't think you have any idea just how deep in this you really are."

Alex rolled his eyes, "You can't ever let that go can you? You're the one that can't commit but It's always about me and Mer."

"Because that's where you want to be, with Meredith, and her kids, taking them to ballet or dances or whatever else."

"Yeah, that's why I bought a freakin' ring, that's why I wanted to have kids, and a dog with you, because that's where I want to be?"

"You help her all the time."

"Just like Callie, and the sisters, and even Hunt? We all do those things, we all pitch in."

"But you're the one she just can't seem to live without," Jo frowned. "Seriously, that goes both way though doesn't it."

Alex started to speak but Jo pushed past him storming out of the room, as the door slammed shut with a large thud. Sighing he ran his hand through his hair and pulled the door open, almost running in to Ben and Jackson.

"Sorry man we didn't know you were in there," Ben spoke.

"It's fine." Alex shrugged.

"You okay?" Ben asked.

"What's it like not to have to deal with crazy women all the time?" Alex groaned. "Seriously tell me."

Ben let out a laugh, "You do realize I'm married to Miranda don't you?"

"And April…" Jackson grinned.

"Okay, multiple crazy women," Alex sighed.

"I also have my mother…" Jackson shrugged. "So ask Ben about that one."

Alex rested his back against the wall, "My life is seriously screwed up."

Ben chuckled, "Yeah, I've heard some rumors."

"None of them are true," Alex groaned. "Not that anyone in this place believes me." He shrugged. "I even had a text from Robbins demanding to see me to talk about my love life. Dude, I spend too much time with women."

Ben laughed, "Look nothing you got going on is my business, but if you ever need to talk…"

"Yeah? People don't usually give me those kind of offers." Alex chuckled. "Probably because I'm not very peoplely," he muttered.

"Peoplely? Yeah you've been around Grey too long," Jackson smirked.

Alex nodded, "Yeah well I don't know if you noticed but I kinda suck dealing with almost everyone but Grey," he shrugged.

"You know we're playing cards tonight, us and Hunt," Ben shrugged, "You want in? You look like you could use a night away from all your problems."

"Yeah?" Alex asked.

Jackson shrugged, "Yeah man, you should come."

"Only rule is, whatever we talk about stays there," Ben nodded.

Alex shrugged as he looked down at his phone and groaned, "I think I can handle that but right now I have to go meet a woman in the staircase," looking at both men he frowned, "And no it's not what either of you are thinking."

* * *

Meredith was headed to the stair's when she saw Owen waving at her as he came out of the elevator, she let out a groan, today was not her day, but then again luck hadn't been hers in a few years at least.

"Hey, you doing okay?" He asked.

"Great, I'm great." She nodded. "Have you seen Amelia? She's dodging me."

"She was headed to surgery earlier," He shrugged. "Just give her some time, she'll come around."

Meredith sighed, "Except there's nothing for her to come around too." She frowned. "She's being crazy, and for the record I didn't do what she said I did, and even if I had did what she says I did, I wouldn't have been doing anything wrong, especially since she suggested it to begin with."

"Okay that's confusing." Owen laughed

"Nothing happened with Alex, nothing has ever happened with Alex. I had a dream about Derek and my sister and I went downstairs because I couldn't sleep and fell asleep there. That's it, that's all."

"You should tell her that."

"Well I would if she would stop running from me and would answer my calls," Meredith frowned. "But even if I had, it wouldn't have been a wrong thing to do, someday I might actually date, and if I do she has to deal with that, we all have to deal with that."

"I know." Owen nodded.

"She's being irrational and crazy, and acting like I committed some kind of crime. I did nothing wrong."

"I know that as well," Owen smiled.

"You do?" Meredith asked.

"Yes, and I told her that," he sighed, "Which is why she is now also mad at me," he laughed. "Just give her time, she'll come back to earth and you can talk."

"Well if you do see her, and she does speak to you, will you please tell her that whatever it is she's thinking is going on, isn't? Alex is my person, and at the point the only person left in this town that even gets me, actually he gets me more than Cristina now," she shrugged. "I know it's weird, we're weird, and it looks like something, but it's not, it's just us."

"If she decides to talk to me, I will tell her to talk to you," Owen laughed.

"That's all I ask," Meredith smiled. "Thank you Owen."

* * *

He found her pacing at the end of the first row of stairs, he watched as she paced, arms crossed, head low, and he frowned. The door slammed hard echoing and she looked up at him, glaring as he took the few steps down to meet her. Sometimes he wondered what it was about this woman that made him go to such great lengths, other times she just looked at him, and he knew. Lately however, he had been fighting….something, he couldn't put it into words really, and he was really hoping it wasn't what he was thinking, because, yeah, the awkwardness of that would just be too much.

"Can this day be over?" She asked as he bumped her shoulder with his and shook his head

"Funny, that's my thought everyday, " Alex smiled.

"People are annoying, now I know why you don't like them."

"They are all about feelings, and emotions and blah blah blah," Alex shrugged. "Whatever, who has time to deal with that."

"They suck, people suck."

He smirked, "Guess I don't have to ask how things are going?"

"Amelia is hiding from me, hiding! She's in surgery right now, but Owen said she's been avoiding me, it's crazy, I did nothing and I'm a bad guy."

"You're not a bad guy Mer," Alex groaned. "People just need to shut up and mind their own business."

"How's Jo?"

"She yelled at me, I yelled at her, she yelled louder and stormed out," he shrugged, "Pretty much the same as usual." He spoke resting against the railing, "I honestly don't care what any of these people think anyway."

"Right, because we did nothing wrong," She sighed resting her head against his shoulder.

"Even if we were messing around, or dating, or even freaking secretly married would it be anyone's business? We're adults, we're both single and we can do what we want. I'm over it Mer, seriously."

"Maggie believed me, that's something right?"

Alex sighed, "Yeah, but even if she didn't doesn't it matter?"

Meredith faced him and shrugged, "I don't know, I don't know what I care really."

"You shouldn't, because these people are all just as screwed up as we are. Who cares what any of them think Mer, each and every one of them are just as messed up as we are, doing things just as dumb as some of the stuff we've done. Let them think what they want, you could do a lot worse than dating me," he added with a side smile.

Meredith let out a laugh, "Oh yeah?"

"Ask any of the nurses in Peds, when I went back on market they all went crazy, a couple of them even baked me things Mer, baked." He laughed.

"This is the Evil Spawn I remember," Meredith grinned. "I don't miss him, by the way."

"I'm just saying, somewhere along the way I somehow became someone that people want to date. It's kinda nuts if you ask me."

"I don't think it's nuts at all," Meredith shrugged. "You've proved you can be in a long term relationship, you're amazing with kids, good looking, smart, sometimes you're even kind of funny, of course they want to date you."

"Good looking?" Alex asked.

"Shut up Karev."

"You think I'm hot right Mer?" He laughed.

"Yes Alex, I can't get enough of you." Meredith smirked.

"Wish I could say I'm surprised but, I've saw you watching me…" He spoke winking as she looked up at him

"I hate you." Meredith groaned.

"Liar." Alex smiled then stopped. Looking up at her he sighed, "You know if we ever did date, it'd probably work out." He spoke before he could stop himself.

He saw Meredith looked up at him quickly as a breath hitched in her throat. "Karev."

"I'm just saying, if it ever happened, why wouldn't it work." He shrugged. "Not that it would or anything."

"Because that would be crazy." Meredith spoke quickly.

"Yeah, insane," Alex nodded. "Hey, did I tell you I think I made friends today." He spoke changing the subject.

"You don't do friends," Meredith said looking at him.

"Well actually…" He began with a smirk.

"Shut it Karev."

"Just saying…. But Ben and Avery invited me to a poker game, I'm already wondering how I'm going to screw it up."

"Alex Karev just got in on men's night? Impressive," Meredith laughed. "And you won't screw it up, just don't make your annoyed faces, and don't roll your eyes if someone talks about their feelings, honestly, smile and nod a lot and you should be good." Meredith spoke.

"I think I can handle a poker game with a bunch of guys Mer."

Meredith nodded her head, "Guess it'll be a late night for you then huh?" She asked quietly.

Alex looked at the questions in her eyes and smirked, "Nah I have a full day tomorrow, but my door will be opened just in case," he spoke.

"I wasn't asking…" Meredith began then stopped.

"I know, I'm just saying." Alex shrugged.

He felt Meredith rest her hand on his and he took it in his and gave it a squeeze as she smiled, "Thanks Alex."

"That's what I'm here for." He smiled.

"Sometimes I wonder why you put up with me," Meredith smiled in returned.

"Because you're worth it." He shrugged, and the way Meredith's eyes lit up made Alex certain he meant every word he had just spoken. Crap, what was he getting himself into.


	9. One Step At A Time

_A/N: I can't thank you enough for all the amazing feedback! Each response makes me smile, and honestly want to write a little faster! I know progression of this story seems slow, but I wanted it that way, to show this friendship, real, and different, and the internal battles or the do we or don't we. I want to show the falling, while slow, because in my head this is how it makes sense. Thank you so much for staying with me as I write this! And now...Here's another chapter!_

* * *

 _The thing about growth is, it needs to happen. It_ _'s not easy, it's uncomfortable, sometimes it's almost to much to handle, but it's needed. Comfort zones are there for a reason, to keep us safe, keep us breathing, but every now and then we have to step out of the box, breathe in and try something new. Growth might change us, not all at once, but carefully, and it's good, growth despite it's difficulty, it's always a good thing._

Alex was nervous, med school nervous, right before a big surgery nervous, he was sitting in a room with a bunch of men, listening to them talk about their day and their lives and he was sweaty palm nervous. He sucked with adults, they usually annoyed him, whined more than small children, but he needed to try, this was some of that growing crap he knew he needed to do.

As he took a sip of his beer he looked around the table at the other doctors in the room, he used to hang out with men, before, when he was young, and when he was in college and then somewhere along the way he moved in with a bunch of women, and things changed. He wasn't sure when it happened that the only people he even considered calling friends were just women did , but it happened, and yeah, it was getting kind of crazy.

"Glad you could make it tonight Karev." Owen spoke nodding his way.

"Yeah, glad I got the invite."

"Anytime man," Ben nodded.

"So did Meredith ever talk to Amelia?"

"No, and she told Maggie she was staying at your place tonight," He shrugged.

"That woman is stubborn." Owen frowned. "She just doesn't deal with things well."

"There's nothing to deal with." Alex grumbled.

"Well, if it helps, I'm asking her to move in with me soon, I've found this house, and it's pretty much done deal." Owen smiled.

"I knew you'd like that house," Ben smiled.

"Yeah, thanks for telling me about it." Owen nodded.

Alex listened in silence as the men chatted, and watched Jackson deal the cards. It was weird, how he was supposed to be enjoying himself, but he couldn't help but wonder what Mer and the kids were doing.

"You think Amelia will go for it," Owen asked him.

He looked up and shrugged, "Huh? Oh I don't know, she's weird, you can never tell what she'll do."

"Yeah that's what I'm afraid of."

"Are we playing cards or sharing our feelings tonight?" Jackson suddenly asked rolling his eyes.

"Dude, you're the one that's usually all about his feelings," Ben grinned. "What's wrong tonight."

"Nothing," he grumbled, "I'm just trying to get all the baby stuff I need for my apartment, and my mother has decided she'll do that for me. I'd rather do it myself. The things she picks out, it's not things I'd pick out, not things April would even like."

"It's for your place though right?" Ben asked.

"Yeah, but it's our baby, and I know April would hate all of it," he frowned.

"Why does it matter what Kepner thinks if its for your place?" Alex asked.

"Because he still loves her," Owen shrugged.

"And he hopes it's going to be their place soon." Ben added.

"That's not it, that's not true, I've told you guys, every week I tell you…" Jackson started then stopped.

"Wait you still want Kepner?" Alex asked.

"Yes." Ben and Owen spoke together.

"Do you want Meredith?" Jackson said cocking his head to the side.

"What? Dude how many times do I have to tell people…" Alex began.

" Exactly. Look I just don't know what all the baby will actually use, you know? There's so much stuff."

"Make sure you get a Pack N' Play, and a swing, I don't know what we would have done with Ellis if we hadn't had a swing…." Alex began but looked up to see all the men staring at him. "What?"

"Nothing." Ben smirked, "Nothing at all."

"I work with kids, kids are what I know," He grumbled.

"You're relationship with Meredith's kids is awesome," Owen shrugged. "Now can we play some cards?" He asked with a laugh.

"That's why we're here." Ben nodded.

"Alex took his cards in his hand and looked at them, he was pretty sure he could beat any of these guys. Poker was his game in high school, sometimes it even kept him fed. He scanned his cards and then looked at each of the men's faces as his phone began to buzz on the table. He saw Maggie's name pop up and he frowned.

"Sorry," he muttered as he picked up his phone. "I gotta take this."

"It's cool man,"Ben nodded.

"Hello?"

"Alex?" He heard the tiny voice speak and he couldn't help but smile.

"Zola?"

"I have math homework." She spoke, "And Aunt Maggie is trying to help me with it."

Alex looked at the men and frowned as he stood up, "Aunt Maggie is good at math Z."

"I want you to help me."

"I can't tonight, but I bet Aunt Maggie will do a awesome job."

"She's not fun," Zola grumbled. "Can you come help me?"

"Not tonight kiddo, but I tel you what, there is a whole bag of Sour Patch Kids in the bottom cabinet in the kitchen, if you'll let Aunt Maggie help you, you can have the whole bag."

"Really?" Zola asked.

He laughed, "Yeah, just don't tell your mom or she might yell at me."

"I still wish you were here to help me."

"I know, but I'll help you tomorrow, and you know what, when I pick you up at school, I'll take you buy to get that dog bed you've been wanting."

"The pink princess one?"

"Yes the pink princess one, Anna will love it."

"But mommy said it cost a lot."

"Well mommy won't have to pay for it," Alex laughed. "So just go do your homework with Maggie, and be nice to her okay? Don't roll your eyes if she makes jokes either okay?"

"Okay!"

"Promise?" Alex asked.

"I promise. I love you Alex!"

Alex smiled to himself, "Love you too kid, now go study, we got shopping to do tomorrow."

Alex clicked his phone off and looked over at all the men staring at him, he knew what they were thinking. They all probably all thought he was a sap or something.

"You are amazing." Jackson said breaking the silence, "Seriously man, I may have to take tips from you one day."

Alex shrugged his shoulders, "It's whatever, kids are cool, you just have to know how to deal with them, it's not big deal."

"No man, you're a natural," Ben laughed, "Seriously, it's a gift."

Alex sat back down and took another drink of his beer, "It's easy with those kids, they are seriously awesome."

"Just like their mom?" Owen grinned.

Alex sighed, "Yeah, just like their mom."

"It's okay Karev, if you want to talk about anything, we don't say a word." Ben shrugged.

"Yeah, that's our one rule." Jackson nodded.

"So you all get together drink beer, and play cards and talk about your lives?" Alex asked. "Isn't that kind of what the women do?" He asked.

"They don't play cards, they just… Drink."

"And gossip." Jackson added.

"We don't gossip, we share." Ben shrugged.

"Sometimes you just need a outlet," Owen spoke again, "This is ours."

"Yeah well no offense, but talking is not really my thing. I drink, I play cards, but I don't share."

"You will." Ben laughed.

"Yeah," Jackson grumbled. "You will."

* * *

"Bailey you have to go to bed." Meredith sighed letting out a yawn.

"I want to watch the eggs.." The small child whined.

"We've watched those surprise eggs over and over, there is no more surprise," she groaned.

"I want to watch another one." Bailey tried.

Meredith heard the basement door open and let out a sigh of relief when she saw Alex. He looked up at her and smiled, his eyes suddenly bright. He had always been handsome, even when he was the Evil Spawn, she'd never denied that he had this mysterious hotness, that drove other women crazy. Still, she had known all of him, the jerk, the hot head, the womanizer, but that man began to change, getting into Peds had been the best thing that ever happened to him. She watched him become patience, caring, and in the middle of all that, he became the person that rescued her from herself.

"Have we got a live one tonight?" He asked with a smirk.

"Alex!" Bailey yelled running to him.

"He won't sleep and I've tried everything. He just keeps getting up," Meredith frowned.

"What's wrong dude? It's way past your bedtime."

"I'm not sleepy!" Bailey spoke as Alex picked him up.

"Dude, you know you've gotta get your sleep. That's how we get big and strong so we can play ball."

"Strong like you?" Bailey asked.

"Yes sir," Alex laughed. "Even stronger maybe, but you have to sleep."

"Okay." Bailey sighed. "Play ball tomorrow?" Bailey asked yawning.

"You bet, as soon as I get in from work, we'll see how you're batting skills are getting. Tell you what, I'll tuck you in, and then tomorrow we'll play."

Meredith watched as Alex carried her son up the stairs to his bedroom. She smiled to herself as she heard Alex tell him the surprise eggs weren't working on his phone tonight. She closed her eyes for a moment, as Alex's words hit her head, _"If we ever did date, it'd probably work out."_ She had thought about it all day, before today if she was honest, but she always came back to the same thing, the risk was too great. Alex was the only person she had left that understood everything about her, and refused to leave. She needed him, the kids needed him, and trying to make something work, she couldn't risk losing him, she couldn't not have him in her life.

"And he's out." Alex's voice suddenly boomed as he came down the stairs.

"You are amazing." Meredith laughed. "I've tried all night."

"What can I say, women and children love me," he grinned as he plopped down beside her.

"Why are you up here? I thought you liked the basement?" She asked. "Miss us?"

"Actually I came home and figured I'd check on you, after the day you had…"

"Yeah, it sucked. I'm good now, Amelia will deal, she always does this."

"But she shouldn't."

"I know," Meredith said throwing her and in the air, "But she does."

"She needs to stop."

"She does indeed. So how was your poker game?" She asked.

"I made a little money tonight," he grinned. "It was weird though, they share Mere, those men, they are all feelings and talking, and it's weird."

Meredith laughed, "Derek and Mark used to go to those games, Webber would host them, Mark got kicked out though, got drunk one night and told me and Callie everything that was said. Never could get much out of Derek though." She shrugged.

"It was different," Alex shrugged, "But it wasn't bad."

"You should go more, make friends or something," Meredith smiled.

"You gettin' rid of me?" Alex asked looking over at her.

"Never, they wouldn't be able to put up with you for long anyway," she smirked.

"Probably not."

"You going to bed soon?"

"Ah I don' know."

"Yeah."

Meredith scooted closer to him and he looked at her, she watched him scan her knowingly before he put his arm out and wrapped it around her bringing her into him.

"You're scared to go to sleep aren't you?" He asked.

"Not scared…"

"Dreams are not bad Mere."

"Waking up is."

"Want me to stay up here tonight?"

"I'm not pathetic Karev."

He pulled her closer and looked down at her, "Want me to stay up here tonight?" He repeated.

"No." She frowned.

"Mere."

"Shut up, and I'll fix your old room," she grumbled.

"I can fix it myself."

"Fine." She sighed.

"You're so freaking stubborn." Alex spoke placing a kiss on her temple. "I'm here, I'm always here. So shut up with the tough crap and let me okay?"

"It's just dreams."

"I used to dream." He frowned. "There was a lot of darkness, usually someone chasing me, my father or those other men.." He muttered.

"Other men?"

"From the other places I stayed." He spoke. "They'd get me in a corner and yell, taunt me, I usually woke up when the fist started coming toward me."

"Alex."

"Then when Iz left, I'd dream too, she'd tell me I wasn't worth staying for, sometimes it was her and my dad both, laughing at me telling me what a loser I was."

She hugged closer to him, "You know none of that is true."

"I know, took me awhile, but I know." He nodded. "I used to try to tell Iz about my dreams, but Izzie, God I loved that woman, but she loved herself too much too, she never would listen."

"Hey, I'll listen," Meredith spoke pulling away and looking up at him. "Alex, anytime, I'll listen."

"I'm good now," Alex shrugged. "Hasn't happened in awhile, but just thinking about it…" He frowned.

Meredith nodded, "So…" She spoke as he looked down at her, "Slumber party in your old room tonight?"

There was a tiny smile on his lips as he stood up and put his hand out for her to take. "Yeah sounds like a good idea." He said as he pulled up and pulled her into a hug. She was taken back for a moment when he pressed a kiss to her forehead, but then he looked down at her and smiled, and all she could do was smile back. "I'll set my alarm so I can go back to the basement before the kids wake up."

"Or you could set it in time to wake them up…." Meredith suggested.

"Yeah, that works too." He nodded. "Hey Mere, there's another marathon of Friends on tonight." He spoke as he grabbed her hand and lead her up the stairs.

"Sounds good."

"When I was younger I wanted to be Joey when I grew up."

"I can totally see that."

"But if you tell anyone that…"

"My lips are sealed."

He looked back at her and grinned and for just a moment, she really wondered if he had been right, if they ever happened, it'd probably work, but she knew, she just couldn't allow herself to go there.


	10. And So We Run

_Sometimes feelings are scary. So we hide them, and we fight them, and we do are best to pretend they don_ _'t exist. We know if we ever let them surface they could change things, so we deny and we run. We cling to our comfort zones and our excuses, because if we allow ourselves, if we think to much, we might begin to open up, and if we do that? We might have to face the things that scare us the most, the feelings that we run from might become real and then? Then nothing will never be the same._

He watched her as she slept, he'd never tell her that he did that, because it was weird, probably a little creepy, but he did it anyway. She snuggled up to his side and he groaned silently as her arm flung across him. He was Alex Karev, he wasn't supposed to do this kind of stuff. Years ago he had prided himself on being tough, strong, the guy that didn't let women get to him. This woman and her kids though? They freakin' owned him and it scared him. For the last few weeks he'd been playing poker with the other guys at work, making friends or whatever it was Meredith said he needed to do, but then he'd come home, home to screaming kids, and meals that he had planned, home to Disney shows with Zola, t-ball practice with Bailey and cuddle time with Ellis. Home to late nights with Meredith, talking and laughing and just being…them. It was all screwed up and crazy, and nothing like he had planned, but it was his life, and he kinda loved every second of it.

Meredith's hair fell against her face as she moved again and he sighed, this was his best friend, his person, he wasn't supposed to watch her sleep, or breathe in her scent, that wasn't what you did with friends. With a frowned he moved away from her, and shook his head, the thoughts that played in his mind needed to leave because they were crazy, she was Meredith, and he was Alex, and the thoughts were pointless and stupid.

Sitting up slowly in the bed he felt her stir behind him, he turned back and looked as she opened her eyes and shut them again.

"I hate mornings." She groaned with a sleepy voice.

"Who doesn't?" He asked.

"There are people," she muttered. "Annoying people that love them."

"Yeah, Izzy did."

"Lexie did too." She whispered.

"Yeah she did." He remembered.

The thought hung in the air for a moment and then he heard Meredith laugh, "Apparently all perky, happy, people love mornings."

"We aren't perky, happy people though." He spoke.

"Not at all."

"We don't even like people," he grinned looking back at her.

"That's not true." She laughed sitting up, "I like you, and Cristina and my sisters… I like people, several people. You like people too."

"I like you, and the kids, I pretty much tolerate everyone else," He shrugged.

"No you love me and my kids, we are your people." Meredith joked with a laugh.

"Yeah." Alex nodded with a sigh, "You are."

"Do you have poker tonight?"

"No, not this week," he shrugged. "Avery did ask me to come over and watch a game, but I doubt I go."

"Might be fun."

"Nah, he talks about things. Life things, it's weird."

"What life things?"

"I can't tell you," Alex groaned.

"Oh right, because it's part of the rules."

"Yeah, but he talks a lot, and talking is not my thing." Alex shrugged.

"You talk to me." Meredith spoke as she climbed out of the bed and stood up.

"You're you, that's different. We're us, it's whatever." Alex sighed as he stood up and stretched.

He saw Meredith watching him her eyes slowly moving up and down, "You know you really should start sleeping in clothes."

"I sleep in pants shut up," Alex grinned. "You need to stop checking me out all the time."

"Seriously?" Meredith laughed. "You got me Karev, that's exactly what I've been doing."

"Mere, you sleep in the bed with me almost every night, you've saw me all kinds of ways, I'm pretty sure this is nothing." Alex laughed. "Unless you like what you see?" He grinned.

"Shut up and put on a shirt." Meredith groaned, "We've got to get upstairs."

"Yeah I promised Zola a omelet, she said yours are crispy." He smirked.

"Some people like crispy," Meredith muttered rolling her eyes.

"Bailey said they were yucky," Alex added with a laugh.

"Everyone's a critic." Meredith huffed.

"And your sister said…." Alex began as Meredith swatted his arm.

"Shush, no more of this, I get it, I can't cook."

"But you're pretty and that's important," Alex joked.

"I also save lives…" Meredith smiled.

"I save lives…and cook."

"Show off."

"And I have nice abs." Alex said turning to her with a wink, "You noticed those right? When you were checking me out?"

"They're decent," Meredith said dryly.

"Just proves you looked," Alex shrugged with a snort as he headed up the stairs ahead of of her. This was his screwed up, weird life, and God help him, he never wanted any of this to end.

* * *

"I swear sometimes Alex is one of the most egoistical people I've ever met." Meredith groaned as she looked into her Ipad at Cristina.

"We already know this. He's the Evil Spawn."

"I did not check him out."

"Of course not." Cristina spoke. "Why would you."

"Right?" Meredith groaned as she rested on the bed in the in call room, "It's insane."

"It is…" Cristina nodded, "Unless it's not? And then that's what's actually insane."

"Not you too…" Meredith spoke.

"That is not necessary, He's my…My Alex," she shrugged, "Since you ran off and left me, he's all I have."

"You talk about him a lot now," Cristina spoke, "It concerns me that you do this, but I have dared not question it."

"He's a good guy, a great guy," Meredith sighed, "And he's amazing with my kids, but he's my best friend, anything else would be crazy."

"Agreed."

"But if you feel the need to come for a visit, please by all means make your way here…"

"If only I wasn't busy saving lives and being amazing," Cristina smiled. "I am in the middle of some incredible things right now."

"And I had a baby throw her food at me last night, after my son tried to stay up all night again." Meredith laughed.

"But you're also saving lives and being awesome."

"Just not as awesome as you?" Meredith asked.

"Of course not." Cristina smirked.

"I miss you, you know."

"I know. Same."

"And if you were here, I probably wouldn't have to sleep in the bed with Alex every night…" Meredith spoke with a tiny grin as Cristina's eyes got wide.

"What? Meredith…Do I need to come back there?"

"I have to go, lives to be saved." Meredith laughed as she clicked the conversation off. "That'll get her going." Meredith chuckled to herself.

* * *

"And I know it's good that we are still close, I mean with the baby coming and all, we have to co-parent so that's important but it's still odd, how friendly and close we are, it is right? It's odd?"

Alex let out a groan, "I thought we were supposed to watch the game."

"Right, but I'm just saying…"

"You're having a kid with her, getting along is good, don't over think it."

Why had he let Avery talk him into coming over tonight was beyond him. Alex had spent the last hour listening to the man go on and on about April and how he didn't love her but he did, just not like that, even if he thought he did or some kind of crap like that.

"April is a great girl, like she's really the best, but you know we tried the marriage thing and it just didn't work. We just get along so awesome, it's weird right?"

"Except for that time you two were fighting over your kid." Alex groaned.

"Yeah but we worked through that, and now it's awesome."

"So what's the freakin' problem?" Alex asked looking at him. "Seriously?"

"It's not a problem, it just confuses things and makes me think…"

"Because you're still in love with Kepner maybe?" Alex asked.

"What? No! No, that's not it at all."

"If you say so dude," Alex sighed.

"Do you love Meredith? You live with her and are raising her kids. You two function like a married couple already."

Alex let out a groan and ran his hand through his hair, "Dude, no."

"Are you sure?" Jackson asked.

"Mer is my family or whatever, it's complicated. We are best friends."

"That are raising her children together…" Jackson smirked. "And sleep in the same bed half of the time."

"Maggie has a huge mouth." Alex mumbled.

"So you share all this time with her, and have all these sleep overs and you never think maybe?"

"Is there even a game on tonight?" Alex grunted.

"Look, you and Meredith wouldn't be crazy, it makes sense actually."

"Dude, I don't do this…"

"What?"

"Talk." Alex huffed.

"So you've never thought about it? At night when she's there…"

Alex sighed, "Have I ever thought about us together? She's hot, so of course I've had a lot of thoughts, but man she's Mer, and she still loves Derek and we are what we are." He spoke in frustration.

"Derek isn't here anymore though." Jackson frowned.

"She still belongs to him. Why do you think she comes down to my room? Because she's terrified she's going to dream about him and wake up alone."

"But do you have feelings for her?" Jackson asked.

Alex sat in silence for a moment, so many thoughts going through his head. He thought about the mornings that he would spend a few extra minutes just watching her sleep, or the nights he would hold her tight and breathe her in. Her face came in his head, laughing and dancing with the kids and all he could do was sigh. "Dude weren't we talking about your weird feelings for Kepner?"

"They aren't weird, they are complicated."

"Right, whatever, I just came here to watch a game."

"And maybe help me with a few things in the babies room?" Jackson asked.

"Will that stop you from talking about feelings and crap?"

"Yes."

"Then I'll paint the freaking room if you want me too," Alex grumbled.

"I do have paint…" Jackson grinned.

"This is why I don't talk to people." Alex muttered shaking his head as Jackson let out a loud laugh causing him to roll his eyes. He told Meredith he didn't like people, and tonight just reminded him of why.


	11. Change is What We Fear

_A/N: So sorry for the delay before, life is calming down and writing time should improve. I can't thank everyone enough for the amazing feedback. Every review is read, and I can't thank you enough for every one of them!_

* * *

 _When the real begins to hit you there_ _'s not much you can do. Denial it's a place you can only live in so long. Feelings though, they surface eventually, they seep out and find a way to breathe, and then you have to deal. It's not easy, and sometimes it's not pretty, but the real is part of life, and sometimes if we own it, it will become the best thing ever, if we own it, it can change everything for the good._

Alex's heart raced as he all but ran down the hallway to Zola's schools Nurse's office. He had got to call that Zola had been hurt her arm just as Meredith as going into a long surgery and he didn't waste any time rushing to get to Zola.

He took a deep breath as he entered the office and relief flooded him as he saw Zola sitting in a chair waiting. "Zo." He spoke rushing to her.

"Alex." The little girl let out with a tiny cry.

"Oh hi, you must be Zola's Stepfather?" A pretty brunette spoke. "I saw the two of you at the father/daughter dance together."

"Huh? What?" Alex asked.

"I'm Ms. Turner, the school nurse," she smiled. "Zola said you were her almost stepfather?"

"I'm what?" He said looking over at Zola.

"I told her you lived with us and our kinda like our other dad." Zola whispered.

Alex's heart flopped in his chest, "Oh Zo." He spoke.

"But you are." Zola frowned. "And my friends have step dads and stuff, and it was just easy to say it like that."

"You know me and your mom, we're friends."

"Aunt Amelia told Uncle Owen you and mommy love each other." Zola said seriously. "And my friend Jade said you act like her parents do."

Alex winced a the words, "Z, me and your mom are not together…We're best friends, and you know I've always been your cool Uncle Alex."

"But you act like a dad," Zola spoke. "I'm sorry, are you mad?"

"What?" Alex asked. "Zo no way, I get it, it's all weird and stuff right?" he laughed. "I'm not mad at you okay?"

The truth was hearing the words it made him feel more…things. Feelings and emotions he wasn't supposed to have. The fact that she saw him as a father made him want to grab her and hug her tight and once again thoughts like that scared him.

"Anyway, I think her arm is just bruised. I'm sure she'll be fine." Ms. Turner smiled.

Alex ignored the nurse and bent down to Zola, "Where does it hurt Z?"

"My wrist," she winced.

Alex took Zola's right hand in his and looked at the swollen wrist. As he examined it he frown ,"It's fractured or broke, we'll need x-rays to know for sure." He spoke, looking back at the nurse he frowned. "She'll be fine huh?"

"Broke?" The nurse said.

"It's possible, I'll take her back to work with me and check it out."

"Alex is a doctor like my momma, cept he takes care kids too," Zola spoke looking up at the nurse.

"Oh I see." The nurse nodded.

"Do I get a cast?" Zola asked through a sniffle.

"Probably so," Alex nodded as he reach up and wiped tears out of her face. "Hey, it's okay now Z. Alex is here to make it all better, we'll take you back to the hospital and check it out and get you a bright purple cast."

"I love purple." Zola smiled.

"Dude, I totally know that," Alex laughed. "Okay, so what happened here anyway?"

Zola dropped her head, "Tristan shoved me down and I fell on a big rock."

"Tristan?" Alex asked. "Some kid did this?"

"Yeah, he's always mean." Zola nodded just as the door opened and Alex saw Zola's teacher walk in.

"Mr. Karev right?" Mrs. Little smiled.

"Yeah, Zo said some kid did this to her?" He asked.

"Is she okay?"

"Her wrist is probably broke, maybe fractured," Alex frowned. "So this kid, is he some kind of bully?"

"We've spoke to Tristan and he says it was a accident."

"He called me stupid and shoved me hard," Zola frowned.

"Zola, are you sure that Tristan really meant to push you?" The teacher asked.

"I think she knows if a kid means to push her." Alex grumbled.

"He told me I was a stupid wuss and shoved me hard on the ground. Then he told his friends not to tell on them or he'd hurt them too." Zola frowned. "He's always mean to us."

"The other children did say that it was a accident." Mrs. Little frowned.

"Look, I used to do the bullying when I was a kid, kids like that, they scare everyone into keeping their mouths shut, that boy shoved Z hard enough she's probably gonna need a cast." Alex frowned. "Something needs done if he's bullying all these kids."

"Yes, well I will talk to Tristan again and set up a time to talk to Zola's mother and Tristan's parents," the teacher frowned.

"So can I go ahead and take Zola back to the hospital with me? She needs X-rays."

"Of course, her mother has you down on the list, please let me know how Zola is doing tonight, her mom has my contact information."

"I'll tell her."

"Z, you ready to get out of here?" Alex asked.

"Yeah, will it stop hurting soon?" She asked with a frown.

"Don't you worry baby, I'll take care of that too." Alex smiled.

"Mr. Karev," Ms. Turner spoke.

"Yeah?"

"If your not her stepfather, you probably should be." The woman smiled.

"Uh yeah, thanks for taking caring of my girl."

* * *

"Her wrist is broke and that kid is a jerk." Alex groaned as Meredith listened with a smirk.

"He's a kid Alex."

"He's a little bully and apparently that school doesn't care." He fumed. "She told the teacher what he did and she didn't care. She said he said he didn't do it, seriously? Of course he's going to say that."

Meredith had been listening to Alex ran for the last twenty minutes and she was honestly both touched and amused. The X-rays had confirmed his fears that Zola did have a break in her little wrist. It broke her heart that her baby had been hurt and she couldn't go to her, but knowing that Alex had been there made it better.

They sat in the cafeteria eating, alone for the first time in a while, because Maggie was taking Zola around to see the hospital.

"I've sat up a appointment with her teacher and Tristan's parents. I was going to ask you if you wanted to go with me, but considering how upset you are…" Meredith sighed.

"You wanted me to go?" Alex asked.

"Well yeah…" Meredith shrugged. "Tristan's dad is a coach, one of those pushy ones that parents can't stand, so I figured you'd go with me, so I wouldn't have to deal with him alone."

"So the kid's dad is a bully too? Great."

"Alex, I'm not happy about this either but you know Zola is going to be okay," Meredith offered with a smile.

"She has a broke wrist, you didn't see her there, sitting all alone in that room, the kid was crying her eyes out and that nurse was all, 'gee golly she's just fine'," Alex rambled. "She wasn't okay, and then I find out some little brat shoved her down so hard she broke her wrist? And he called her stupid? Z is not stupid."

"Of course she's not. She's one of the smartest kids in her class, but we will go to the school and talk to her teacher and work this out. That's how we do this Alex, the right way. We can't go yell at some little kid, we have to talk to the adults."

"I'd like to talk to that kid." Alex frowned.

"We will talk to his parents."

"Fine, but that school better do something."

"Her school is very good about handling things like this. Don't worry, we will handle this."

Alex nodded his head and then frowned, "She told the nurse I was her other dad Mer," he spoke his voice almost a whisper. "The nurse thought I was her stepdad because she told her I was her almost other dad."

"She said that? Zola did?" Meredith asked her mouth falling open.

"Yeah, she said that."

"Oh.." Meredith began.

"She said I act like a dad," Alex frowned. "I didn't know what to say, so I mumbled something about you being my friend and junk."

"I'm sure you handled it just fine," Meredith smiled.

"I think even the kids are jumping on the bandwagon now," Alex groaned.

Meredith looked at him, "What bandwagon is that?"

"The 'Us' bandwagon."

"Oh that." Meredith sighed. "I guess we're the only ones not drinking the kool-aid," She spoke with a nervous laugh.

Alex grabbed a fry from her plate as he stood up, "Yeah," he muttered. "Or maybe we're the only ones missing something," he added under his breath.

"What?" Meredith asked. "Karev?"

"Just sayin', makes you wondering what we're not seeing." He shrugged.

"Alex?" Meredith asked. "What are you talking about?"

"Nothing, it's nothing, I gotta go check on a patient and rescue Zola from Maggie. I'll see you at home tonight."

Meredith watched as Alex shook his head as he walked off, she needed a drink but instead she'd have to settle for another surgery. Her and Alex? Together? She had to get that thought out of her head, and apparently so did he. He was all she had left, and something like that, it would ruin everything.

* * *

Alex heard Meredith coming up the stairs as he soothed Ellis and rocked her gently. She had been crying and complaining all night, and he hadn't had the heart to leave her. When he had come home Maggie was trying her best to calm her down, but he saw the worry in Maggie's eyes and took over.

He saw Meredith's head poke into the nursery and and she frowned, "Maggie said Ellis was sick?"

"Earache," Alex nodded. "Probably another infection."

"I think I need to have her ears really checked out, I don't like all these infections." Meredith frowned.

"Me either, I got her fever down, but she's a miserable baby right now," Alex sighed as he rocked her gently.

"If you want I can take her now, you can go on to bed."

"Nah, she's finally going to sleep," he spoke, "I don't want to disturb her."

"Yeah, that might be a good idea."

"Listen Mer, about what I said today…." Alex frowned.

"No it's okay." Meredith smiled.

"No, we're us, we talk," he spoke. "I'm your person, I know what we are, I was just rambling, just so you know."

"Karev, it's okay." Meredith smiled. "I've thought about it too," she admitted with a shrug. "Our setup is different, and we're human."

"Yeah," he nodded kissing Ellis on the temple. "Very human." He muttered.

"But it's us, and what we are is good, right?"

"Good? It's freakin' great," He spoke looking at her. "Everyone has just talked about it so much, I guess it gets in your head."

"Yeah, but they don't get us, that this works."

Alex let out a sigh, "Yeah, it does."

"And if we ever tried something….different, it'd change everything." Meredith frowned.

"Right." Alex nodded with a sigh. He watched as Meredith leaned nervously against the wall as she talked and then he looked back at Ellis. Part of him wanted to tell her that maybe change was what they needed, but he knew it was pointless. He wasn't even sure what it was he'd been feeling lately, beautiful women sleeping in his bed usually screwed his brain up, so that had to be what was causing all the crap that had been going through his mind these days.

He looked back down at Ellis and sighed as she slept soundly against him. He would have never imagined three little people could have him so wrapped around their fingers but these three did. Looking back up at Meredith as she stood against the wall, arms crossed and smiling down at him, his heart flipped and he swallowed hard.

"Maybe I need to try not to come downstairs as much, maybe that would help."

Alex groaned as he slowly stood up and carefully put Ellis in her crib. He tucked the sleeping baby in and let his hand go across the top of her head just once before he turned back to her mother. "Mer, hush," he muttered. "Now whose trying to change things?" He asked.

"I just thought, I sleep down there a lot now…"

"Because you need to so just stop," He grumbled. "It's not like we're trying to rip each others clothes off down there, we sleep, that's all. All our weird crap makes sense to us, and it works."

"Yeah. So it's okay? If I keep coming down there?"

"Mer don't start, I've told you, anytime you need me, I'm here. It's what we do."

"Maybe we could just get you a bigger bed…" Meredith laughed.

"You'd still take my side," Alex grinned. "It's cool, I don't mind."

"You've come a long way from the Evil Spawn I first met," Meredith laughed. "Who would have ever thought we'd have ended up here."

"Oh I would have seduced you by now if I hadn't have changed."

"Who says I would have let you?" Meredith snorted.

"You would have," Alex shrugged. "I thought about it a lot back then too…"

"That doesn't surprise me." Meredith smirked.

" Trust me the thoughts I had, would surprise you," Alex joked. "Anyway I'm going to sleep in my old room tonight in case Ellis needs me, if you need me for anything."

"Alex I think I can take care of a earache." Meredith smiled. "I do that whole saving lives thing too."

"But I'm Peds," He shrugged, "Plus she likes me better," he grinned.

"All my kids like you better," Meredith smiled.

"What's not to like." Alex smirked.

"Shut up, I need to check on my other two and then I'm headed to bed."

"I'll leave my door open if you need me."

"So we're good? Totally good?" Meredith asked.

Alex smiled as he walked over to her and wrapped his arm around her, "We are good, we will always be good."

Meredith nodded as she pulled away from him and walked out of the room. With a groan Alex rested against the doorway watching as she walked away, there was a part of him that wanted to scream down the hallway that together they could be freakin' great, but he knew it was pointless, they were what they were, and that was good, but still the thought nagged at him that more…More would be so much better.


	12. Down To Us

_A/N I wish I had some really good excuse for my lack of updating, but really life has just been nonstop insane... Two jobs, and real life isn't easy sometimes... however this story isn't dead... I just hope it still has people that remember it! So so so very beyond sorry about the delay!_

* * *

 _Sometimes the harder we try to fight something, the harder it becomes to avoid. It invades our dreams, causes our reality to feel warped, confusing and bleak. The things we try to avoid aren't always bad, we just fear them because they are the unknown. We run from them because they can change everything, and if these things ever catch up to us we know, nothing will ever be the same again._

* * *

" _Have you ever really thought about it…" He spoke silently._

" _About?" She asked with a grin. "You're being mysterious again Alex."_

" _Us." He shrugged. "Have you ever really thought about us."_

" _Us?" She questioned. "You're speaking in riddles."_

" _Mer," He spoke letting out a long sigh and he stood up from his bed and crossed over to his dresser, "I'm being serious here."_

" _I can see that." She nodded._

" _We do this thing, this family thing, and we say it makes sense, but does it?" He asked. "Do you ever see me and feel something….more." He swallowed. "Because I do it all the time, lately I feel things, things you don't feel for your person."_

" _Alex." She spoke staring up at him._

" _So am I the only one?" He questioned._

" _No." She smiled, "You're not the only one."_

" _Wait what?"_

" _I feel things too, I've just been waiting on you to say something." She added with a laugh._

" _So does that mean…" He began and she stood up and walked over to him. "Do you want to try?"_

 _Meredith laughed as he pulled her to him as soon as she was in reach, "It just might…"_

" _Hey Mer, you down there?" A voice came._

 _Alex's eyes grew huge, "Was that? No, that sounded like Derek.."_

" _Of course it was Derek." Meredith shrugged._

" _But that's not possible, he can't be here." Alex gasped._

" _Of course he can," Meredith smiled. "Derek will always be here. I'm sorry Alex, but Derek will always be the one I love."_

Alex woke with a jolt, his eyes flying open as the silence of his bedroom met him. He sat up in bed and realized he was alone, and then a realization hit him, he would probably always be alone. His dream had felt so real, Meredith's touch, the excitement of a chance with her, the feelings that he had, and then Derek's voice and the truth he had been fighting, Meredith would always love Derek, and chances were she would never truly move on.

He put his face in his hands and groaned, this was all getting out of hand. He could not fall for Meredith, it was only a complication to his already complicated life. His feelings though, they kept changing, and he was getting scared of what his heart was starting to tell his brain. Standing up he walked over and stared into his mirror, the circles under his eyes were only one hint of the lack of sleep he had been getting lately. His mind seemed to always be going, his head constantly trying to figure out just what he was thinking, it was all becoming way too much for him.

A knock at his basement door took him away from his thoughts, "It's open," he called expecting to see Meredith as the door came open. Instead Zola walked down the stairs carefully.. "Zola, what's my favorite girl doing?"

"Momma burnt the pancakes," She frowned.

"She did?" Alex chuckled.

"She said she could cook like you, but Aunt Maggie said she couldn't, so she tried and she burnt them bad." Zola spoke wrinkling her nose. "Can you make us waffles?"

"Of course I can," Alex smiled. "And I'll try not to burn them."

"You never do," Zola spoke. "Teach momma how to do that," Zola smiled.

"Yeah maybe I should," Alex nodded. "C'mon Zola, maybe I should just teach you how to cook.."

"Yeah." Zola laughed. "That would be fun!"

As he and Zola turned a corner upstairs he frowned, "Wow she really did burn breakfast," Alex frowned as the stench of burnt pancakes caused him to cough.

"Really bad too." Zola groaned.

Alex let out a laugh as he saw Meredith standing at the stove. She was wearing a pair of pink and black pajama pants and a matching black tank top. For a moment he just stood and stared, his mind wandering to places he didn't need it to go. He wondered for a second what it would be like to just walk up behind her and wrap his arms around her waist and pull her to him. How would it feel to rest his face in the crook of her neck and take in her scent like it was the most normal thing ever. Shaking his head he let out a groan, crap he couldn't do this, the last thing he needed to be doing was to be fantasizing about wrapping his arms around his best friend.

"Alex is gonna teach me how to cook," Zola announced as Meredith turned around to look at them.

"I told you I could do it," Meredith groaned. "Did you go tell on me?"

"Yes, I'm hungry," Zola whined, "Alex is gonna make waffles."

"I can make pancakes," Meredith sighed.

Alex let out a laugh as he walked up beside her, "You did a great job on your first batch."

"I might have turned the heat up to high," Meredith shrugged. "I save lives, I don't have to know how to cook."

"Alex saves lives and cooks, plus he can dance good too." Zola giggled.

"I can dance," Meredith groaned.

"Not like Alex," Zola smiled.

"Well I can see who your favorite is," Meredith smirked.

"I've told you Mer, I'm awesome."

"Obviously." Meredith nodded.

"I'm going to go tell Bailey we get waffles," Zola giggled.

"Okay and tell Aunt Maggie the smell is almost gone too," Meredith groaned. "Apparently she's allergic to smoke or something."

Alex watched as Zola bounded up the stairs laughing and yelling her brother's name, turning back to Meredith he saw her smiling. "What's that smile about."

"Oh nothing."

"Shut up, it's a goofy smile, what's going on?"

"You always rescue me," She shrugged.

"Like you don't do the same," he spoke with a smile. "I've been a total screw up but somehow you still put up with me."

"You're easy to put up with….most of the time." Meredith joked.

"You bought new pajama's," Alex spoke out of no where. "I approve."

"Alex Karev has anyone ever told you, that you have some kind of weird pajama fetish," Meredith laughed.

"Oh you have no idea," he grinned.

"Shut up." Meredith laughed. "And trust me, I've heard plenty of stories about you around the hospital."

"And yet you've never wanted to see if they were true yourself?" Alex smirked. "All the good ones? They're true."

"How do we always end up on this subject?" Meredith asked.

"Because we are reformed inappropriate people, and we can't help ourselves." Alex shrugged.

"Is that it?" Meredith asked.

"That or you're secretly in love with me," Alex joked. "Can't blame you though, I'm hard to resist."

Meredith rolled her eyes, "You're a legend in your own mind," she snorted.

"No Mer," he grinned, "I'm just a legend."

He watched as she let out a laugh, her hair falling in her face and her eyes sparkling as she shook her head. "Maybe so, now cook my waffles, I'm starving."

"Yes ma'am." He nodded.

* * *

Meredith sighed as she sat her lunch down next to her sister and April. She had already had an exhausting day but knew the hours would be long tonight. All she wanted to do was go home and soak in a bath for hours, but that wasn't going to happen.

"My head still hurts," Maggie groaned looking over at her.

"You cook next time then." Meredith shrugged.

"What happened?" April asked touching her stomach.

"Meredith burnt breakfast….again." Maggie frowned. "Thank goodness Alex can cook."

"Who would have ever thought Alex Karev would become ." April laughed.

"He cleans too," Meredith nodded.

"So why don't you just give up and marry the guy," April asked with a laugh. Meredith glared at her and April frowned, "Or you know date him, whatever, it's obvious he's crazy about you."

"Oh no," Maggie smirked. "Alex and Meredith are just friends, there is nothing between them, nothing at all," she spoke glaring at her sister.

"There isn't." Meredith spoke dryly.

"You don't see the way he looks at you?" April asked. "Never?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," she spoke as Arizona walked up and pulled up a seat next to April.

"What are we talking about and why does Meredith look angry?" Arizona smiled.

"I told her to marry Karev," April shrugged.

"What?" Arizona laughed.

"Well it seems like the logical thing," April spoke. "Whatever I'm huge and I'm tired, and I'm just speaking the truth." She grumbled.

"I am not marrying Alex." Meredith sighed.

"So you mean literally nothing has ever happened between you two?" April asked.

"No." Meredith shrugged. "Nothing."

"Not even a kiss? Because he's a really good kisser." April muttered.

"Wait what?" Maggie asked.

"What?" April asked. "Half the women in the hospital know this, he's Alex."

"He is a great guy," Arizona smiled. "And he does look at you sometimes…."

"Like I'm his best friend," Meredith groaned. "Shut up, this is all weird, you're all weird," she mumbled.

"Meredith, you are my sister, but honestly you are the only one left that doesn't see what is right in front of you." Maggie sighed.

"And what is that?"

Maggie smiled softly, "Everything."

"What does that even mean?" Meredith asked.

"Just that maybe you should take a chance." Maggie sighed.

"He's my person." Meredith groaned. "Besides it would never work, and then I'd lose him, and I can't do that." She finally admitted with a long breath.

"Is that it?" Maggie asked. "You're scared you'd lose him?"

"I just…" Meredith began, "He's Alex, I can't lose him, and if and when it didn't work, I know that's what would happen and I just can't take a risk on that."

"You'd never lose Alex, you and the kids are the most important things in his life." Arizona smiled. "You're literally all he talks about Mer."

"It's not happening." Meredith frowned.

"But the way he looks at you…" April sighed.

"Is the way Jackson still looks at you," Arizona smirked looking at April, "Since we are speaking truths and all."

"Is not." April groaned. "And this is about Meredith."

"I just want to eat in peace," Meredith groaned. "Just eat in peace and then go save lives, is that really too much to ask?"

"Sorry." Maggie frowned. "You don't want Alex, we get it."

"We'll leave you alone." Arizona nodded.

"But the way he looks at you…" April sighed once again. "You should at least kiss him." She added under her breath.

Meredith let out a groan as she looked out the window to see Alex in the hallway on his knees talking to one of his patients, the little girl giggled as Alex gave her a high five. If it was all as easy as they made it out to be, she thought with a sigh. It wasn't though, not when she was scared to sleep because seeing Derek still broke her, not when the thought of losing Alex caused her heart to drop, no nothing was as simple as they made it out to be. She knew Alex was amazing, if anyone knew the kind of man it was it was her, but to risk their friendship, risk what he had with her kids, she just couldn't do that. No matter what thoughts she occasionally had, she just didn't thing she could take a step that could cost her everything with him, not now, not ever.

* * *

"Now I'm freaking dreaming about her." Alex spoke as he shuffled playing cards and groaned. "This has got to stop."

Jackson Avery looked at him with a grin, "Are you ready to man up and admit what we already know?" He asked looking over at Owen and Ben.

"No." Alex muttered, "This sucks man."

"You love her." Owen said simply. "You love Meredith."

Alex glared at him, "Dude shut it, I do not. Not like that."

"You do have feelings for her though," Ben shrugged, "That much is obvious."

"I don't want to," Alex grunted.

"So you're admitting it?" Jackson asked.

"I don't know, I don't know anything anymore," Alex spoke staring at the cards in his hand. "She can't sleep in her own bed because she's scared of dreaming about her husband, I see her when she wakes up from a dream and I know all she wants to do is go back and let him hold her again. I can't compete with that stuff, no one can compete with with they had."

"She has to move on at some point though," Ben frowned.

"She's Meredith, she doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to do. She's the most stubborn person I've ever met." Alex huffed.

"He has a point there," Owen sighed.

"But I've watched the two of you together, it just seems so obvious." Ben said.

"Nothing is easy with Meredith," Alex shrugged. "Whatever it's pointless."

"In other news," Owen groaned. "I showed Amelia my new house."

"How'd that go?" Ben asked.

"I asked her to move in with me, and she asked me why I was doing this to her," he spoke with a confused laugh. "Does that make sense to anyone?"

"Crap, now she'll want to talk to me or something," Alex muttered, "When she's all weird with Mer, she tries to go all girl on me, and that woman talks a lot."

"I wish she'd talk to me," Owen frowned. "She just started crying and yelling and asked how I could ask her something like that and what was I thinking." Owen shook his head, "I thought it was a good step forward."

"Chicks are nuts man," Alex groaned. "Yours is certifiable most of the time."

"You just have to listen to them and understand what they are saying," Ben shrugged.

"Seriously?" Alex laughed. "Dude you just nod and agree with everything Bailey says, stop acting like it's freaking easy."

"Yeah, aren't you scared of her most of the time?" Owen asked with a smirk.

"We're all scared of Bailey most of the time," Jackson laughed.

"Ya'll just can't handle that I have a good relationship while the rest of you have no clue what you're doing." Ben smirked.

"I thought I knew what I was doing," Owen frowned. "It was a good idea right? A new house, new start? I thought she'd love it."

"You can't predict anything with Amelia," Alex smirked. "But by tomorrow she'll come around."

"I sure hope so."

"I'm just glad I don't have all these women problems," Jackson said with a smile.

"You're in love with your pregnant ex-wife…." Alex chuckled. "You have more problems than any of us."

"You should just tell her," Owen shrugged.

"I do not love her, I don't, I mean I do, but not like that, we're divorced, it's over, it's…." Jackson's voice trailed.

"You love her." Alex groaned. "Shut up and say it."

"Say you love Meredith." Jackson challenged.

"Or we could just play cards." Alex frowned.

"Much better idea," Jackson agreed with a quick nod.

"You two are both sad cases." Owen laughed.

"So sad." Ben smiled.

"Whatever, let's just play cards," Alex muttered. These people were going to be the death of him, these men and all their sharing would be what finally finished him off.

* * *

Alex was sitting on her living room sofa when she came in that night. Meredith saw the top of his head and she smiled gently and some soft of music played in the background. There was something comforting about coming home and seeing Alex sitting there, even if it was in the dark.

"Waiting up on me?" She asked as she walked into view.

He looked up at shrugged, "I heard you were going to have a late night. I played cards tonight and was still wide awake anyway."

"You win?" Meredith asked sitting down beside him.

"Of course." He smirked.

Folding her legs underneath her she closed in the space between them and scooted closer to him, "Tonight was crazy, I should be exhausted but I'm not."

Alex smiled as he took a drink of the juice in his hand, "You'll be a zombie tomorrow."

"Probably so, are you drinking juice?" She asked arching a eyebrow, "I'm sure I have something stronger."

He laughed, "I bought them for the kids but they didn't like them."

"Picky little things aren't they." She asked with a yawn.

"Didn't think you were sleepy?" Alex smiled softly.

"Tired, not sleepy." She sighed.

They sat that way for a moment, in the quiet room, the only sound being some sort of nineties music playing in the background. She let out another tiny yawn and she saw Alex look at her, his eyes dark and moody and he studied her before he gently wrapped a arm around her and pulled her closer to him. She let out a breath and rested her head on his shoulder not making a sound.

"This juice really does suck." He spoke after what felt like hours had went by.

"Then don't drink it." She laughed gently.

"It's fine." He muttered. "It just needs sugar."

"Sometimes I can't believe it's just us." She said out of no where.

"Hmm?"

"Just us, the two of us left."

"Oh." He spoke shifting his head toward hers. "Yeah, weird right."

"Never thought it'd come down to us."

"I'm glad though." He spoke quietly.

"Yeah me too."

"We were the screw ups." He said with a tight laugh.

"Proved them wrong though." She sighed. "Look at us now."

"Yeah," she heard him breathe out, "Look at us."

"I should probably go to bed," She frowned.

He pulled her a little closer and she felt him stiffen slightly at her words. "No, stay."

"Stay?"

"Just a little while longer…Stay."

Meredith looked up at him gently, saw that Alex was still staring straight ahead. With a soft sigh she rested her head back on his shoulder, "Okay."

"Yeah?" He asked.

"Yeah."

She could feel his body relax again as he once again shifted his head and body toward hers. "It makes sense you know." He spoke quieter than usual.

"What's that?"

"Us being the last ones."

"Yeah," she smiled, "I guess it does."

"We were the most jaded."

"The most screwed up you mean?"

"Yeah that." He sighed, "We had more to fight for."

"We did."

"More to prove."

"Cristiana made it though…"

"She ran out on us." Alex frowned. "We stayed and we fought."

"Because this is our home."

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

"I noticed you first, the first day." He muttered.

"You did?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah, everyone noticed you first. Everyone still notices you first."

"You're insane."

"You don't see it do you?" He whispered. "Never have."

"Never saw what?"

"How freaking awesome you are."

"Shut up." She laughed with a sigh.

"Take a compliment Mer." He said resting his head against hers.

"You're pretty awesome yourself…" She noted.

"Been telling you that for years." He spoke and she saw the corners of his mouth turn up into a grin.

"We should go to bed." She sighed. "I'm making waffles in the morning."

"You're burning waffles in the morning."

"Go to bed Alex." She spoke slowly standing to her feet and rolling her eyes as she looked at him.

"Night Mer."

She smiled down at him and nodded. "See you in the morning."

"Burnt waffles and all." He smiled.


	13. If You Knew

_A/N: So as it turns out despite the fact that Amelia drives me nuts at times writing all her crazy? Kinda fun! Anyway here we go with another chapter.. We ARE getting somewhere I promise.. Thanks so much for reading and for all the awesome reviews! I do read them and they make me smile! I realize Alex and Mer, might not be everyone's cup of tea, but they are mine, and I so enjoy writing them!_

* * *

 _There are things we keep to ourselves. Feelings and thoughts that no matter how important we just can't let them out. We know that once words our spoken, once we set things out into the universe, it can change everything. So we hold back, we hold on, we put certian thoughts into a vault that only we can see and feel and we lock the vault so tightly that no one will never be allowed inside. Because the thing is, if the vault ever opens, if our inner most thoughts are ever revealed, our world as we know it will never be the same._

* * *

"And then he was all, it's the perfect place for us to begin our future. Like what does that even mean? Why now? Why so soon? This is crazy, he's crazy, I can't believe he's doing this to me…"

Alex took a deep breath and frowned, when he saw Owen he was going to make his pay for this. He knew it would happen, that Amelia would want to talk about her feelings and sure enough here he was listening to her ramble on and on about all that girly emotional crap he tried to avoid.

"You're freaking for no reason."

"No reason? He had a key for me in a box. I don't know who he thinks I am, he picked out this perfect place , with me in mind, I can't believe he's doing this to me."

Alex let out a groan as he scanned the chart in his hand, "He bought you a freaking house, this is not the end of the world…"

"It is, it is because he's pushing me, that's what he's doing, he bought a house and he wants to live with me, and…."

"And isn't thing something you should talk to Mer about? Or even Maggie?"

"I'm still not talking to Meredith much…"

"And that's stupid. You are mad at her for no reason."

"She's moving on, deny it if you want but the two of you…"

"Are friends, just friends, you are mad at her because you've got everything twisted in your head."

"No one believes the two of you are just friends." Amelia muttered.

"So is she never allowed to move on? Is she supposed to stay the single widow forever just to make you happy? Everyone else is running around happy with their lives but you want her to just be alone?" Alex asked. "Make up with Mer, move in with Owen, and get over it all. That is my advice." He grunted.

Amelia's eyes widened, "Well you woke up in a mood…" She spoke then sighed.

"I'm always in a mood."

"Look, you want the truth?"

"Not really, not if it means more talking…" Alex frowned.

"Well it does so listen." Amelia spoke. "I have watched the two of you together for months, and I knew was happening, but there was always Jo, and Meredith just wasn't ready, but I watched and I saw, and I thought I could deal. I was ready for dark and twisty, ready for inappropriate men, but what I saw that morning was real and my stomach clinched and suddenly Derek was even more gone because you're here, and she doesn't need him anymore."

"Nothing happened, if it did I would tell you, but it hasn't."

"Yes, things have happened, you can't see them and apparently Meredith can't, but it's real."

"This is crazy. Meredith will always love Derek, he will always be there."

"Sounds like you've thought about this." Amelia spoke with a smirk.

"You are annoying. Seriously how does Hunt put up with you."

"Right? I know all this, that's why I don't get why he wants to move in with me. Not this soon, I just, I can't."

"You can."

"No. And look, I've thought about it, if Meredith does have to move on, you're probably the best choice. The kids adore you….."

"We are just friends!" Alex groaned.

"I don't think you even believe yourself anymore."

"We are."

Amelia stared at him in silence and shook her head, he could see the doubt in her eyes, he saw it from every these days. If he looked in the mirror he'd probably see it from himself. He had worked so hard to keep his friendship with Meredith healthly, but now he wasn't sure what he felt.

"What if he talks marriage next.. Or wants to get a pet, I just can't…'" She spoke out of no where, "Seriously can you not see the issue with all of this?"

"No, I see no issue at all." Alex groaned. "The dude loves you and all your crazy, maybe you should just go with it and stop complaining."

"You are no help, and I have a surgery to do…" Amelia sighed turning to go.

"Talk to Mer!" Alex yelled as she walked down the hall.

* * *

Meredith stared at her lunch as she poked her salad with a fork. She let out a yawn as Owen sat down beside her. "I think it's dead."

"I need sleep."

"Long night last night?" He asked.

"It was late when I got in bed, and then Bailey was having nightmares so he slept with me, and that kid is a massive kicker," She laughed.

"I didn't sleep either, I sat in my new big house and looked at furniture that I thought Amelia might like."

"She will come around."

"I hope."

"She will. She will have her big massive crazy spell and then she will calm down and move in." Meredith smiled.

"I want a future with her, even with all of her issues, I love that woman."

"You deserve to be happy Owen." Meredith nodded.

"So do you."

"I am happy." Meredith laughed.

"You know what I mean." He sighed.

"I do."

"It's okay, to move on, when you're ready." Owen nodded. "It's okay."

"And when I'm ready, I will." Meredith sighed.

"Because Derek was this amazing great man, but there's other great men, other men out there…"

"I'm sure."

"I wasn't sure I'd ever move on again," he shrugged. "After Cristina left…"

"She's still alive though, she didn't die."

"No. You're right, we just exploded." He frowned. "I may explode with Amelia too, but I have to try."

"Is there a reason you are giving me this pep talk Owen," Meredith asked with a smile.

She watched him smirk and then drop his head with a shrug. It seemed like the new trend at the hospital to give her a talk on moving on, falling in love, or lately just insisting she had feelings for Alex. Everyone seemed to think they knew exactly what she needed. With a sigh she looked over his shoulder and saw Nathan Riggs starting at them.

"Just advice is all."

"Hey, any idea why Nathan Riggs keeps watching us?" She asked.

Owen looked behind him and groaned, "The guy is bad news. That's all I'm going to say."

"I've worked with him some, never been impressed."

"I'd keep it that way." Owen frowned.

"I just wondered why he was staring, like the second you sat down I noticed." Meredith shrugged.

"I don't really know." Owen shrugged.

Meredith started to speak again when she looked up to see Jo walking toward them. "This is not my day." She frowned to Owen as Jo approached.

"Hey," She spoke pulling a watch out of her pocket. "This is Alex's, his dad's I mean, the one he was looking for." She said darting her eyes.

"And you're giving it to me?" Meredith asked.

"I found it, it had fell behind the dresser, and he's avoiding me, so I figured you'd get it back to him." She spoke softly.

"I will, thank you."

"He's okay… I mean he's doing good?" Jo asked.

"He's doing fine." Meredith smiled.

"Good, I'm glad." She spoke. "Just tell him, I found a few more of his things if he wants them. I text and called but no answer, so I figured telling you would be the best way to get it back to him."

"I will give him the message," Meredith spoke, "But you do realize he still works here, you can just bring his stuff here."

"Yeah, maybe I'll do that. He just usually turns the other way if he sees me…" Jo frowned.

"Breakups are hard." Meredith shrugged. "He'll talk to you when he's ready."

"Yeah." Jo sighed, "I have to go, but make sure he gets the watch."

"I will." Meredith frowned as Jo turned and walked off.

"That was awkward." Owen chuckled as she walked off.

"Always is." Meredith sighed. "She's not very fond of me." She added with a shrug.

"Are you fond of her?"

"She's never been my favorite person," Meredith spoke stabbing her salad again. "I tried to like her but it never really happened."

"Any reason for that?" Owen questioned.

Meredith eyed him, "I never trusted her, and I was right. She hurt Alex, Alex doesn't do feelings and emotions and he did with her and she hurt him."

"I see." Owen smirked.

"No you don't see," Meredith huffed. "You assume you see, but you don't. People assume too much," She groaned, "And Riggs is still staring at us." She added as she stood up.

"I'll find out what's up with him." Owen frowned.

"Good, and you should come see the kids soon, Bailey asked about you the other day."

"I will do that." Owen smiled. "Actually, Alex asked me over to watch a game this weekend."

"Really? Alex is having a friend over?" Meredith grinned.

"Be nice to him." Owen warned. "I take it that friendship is not his strong point."

"He's usually only good with tiny humans, the rest of us…." Meredith laughed.

"He's great with you." Owen smirked.

"You're assuming again." Meredith warned.

"Sorry," Owen sighed. "You just deserve to be happy."

"And I am."

"Good. Great." Owen nodded.

"And Owen, Amelia will come around, give her time to process, you'll see."

* * *

"Looks like everything is healing up like we wanted dude," Alex smiled down at his patient. "You may have a few scars but nothing too bad."

"Man, the scars will just make the story more epic," thirteen year old Blaine laughed.

"You got that right," Alex nodded, "Just promise me if you're serious about the whole BMX thing, you'll look into the training we talked about?"

"Mom is gonna call about it when I get out," Blaine nodded.

"Good deal, you've got talent kid, but you keep doing those bike tricks on your own and we'll have to set you up a room here with your name on it," he grinned, "And that'd be a downer for all those girls that keep coming in to see you."

"Dude, you're the most legit doctor ever." Blaine smirked. "Think you could make it to see me compete sometime?"

"You stick with it and train like you're _supposed_ too, and I'll be there."

"For real?"

"Yeah, but you have to train right, wear your gear…" Alex grinned.

"I know, I know," Blaine nodded. "Seriously Dr. Karev, you're the best."

"The best? I don't know if I'd go that far…" Alex heard a familiar voice laugh.

"Dr. Grey," Alex spoke turning around, "This kid doesn't lie."

"Oh I'm sure he doesn't, you've obviously bribed him…." Meredith smirked.

"Bribed? He just knows a good doctor when he sees one, isn't that right Blaine?"

"Yeah, Dr. Karev is awesome, he even gives me advice on girls," Blaine grinned.

"I see." Meredith laughed. "That must be why Dr. Robbins said you're the most popular patient here."

"The girls love this kid." Alex laughed. "I'll check back in with you before I leave tonight dude, few more days and you should be out of here."

"Cool, I can't wait." Blaine nodded.

Alex smiled as he put a hand on Meredith's back and lead her out of the room, "So, miss me already?" He joked. "Had to come see me in action?"

Her eyes sparkled a little with a mischievous light he hadn't saw in a while. He was seeing it more now, glimpses of the Meredith he remembered before Derek's death.

Meredith smiled, "You really are your biggest fan aren't you?"

"I thought you were my biggest fan?" Alex grinned.

"This could be true." Meredith smiled.

"Better be." Alex spoke. "So if you didn't come to admire my bedside manner, what's up?"

"Actually," Meredith spoke pulling his watch from her coat, "I came to bring you this, Wilson brought it to me earlier."

Alex sighed as he took his father's watch in his hand, "Didn't think I'd see this again." He touched the glass of the watch and frowned, willing the past not to haunt him today.

"Yeah, I thought you'd be glad to see it." Meredith nodded.

"You know, I'm not one of those people that get all sentimental and crap, but it was his…"

"Alex, it's okay to want something that belonged to your father."

"He wasn't much of a father Mer."

"Still, it's okay to want something of his."

"I hated that man for so long, and then at the end…"

"Yeah." Meredith nodded. "I'm glad Wilson found it for you."

"Me too. So, was she nice to you?" Alex asked with a smirk.

"She will never like me that's for sure," Meredith laughed. "I can deal with that."

"You've never liked her either," Alex grinned.

"I tried very hard…" Meredith sighed.

"Very hard?" Alex asked arching a eyebrow. "Meredith…"

"I made a effort okay?" She smirked.

"Eh, doesn't matter now anyway." Alex shrugged. "I wasted way too much time trying with her…"

"You loved her." Meredith spoke. "It wasn't all wasted."

"It was." Alex nodded. "It got me no where."

"Well, I think it made you a better man." Meredith smiled. "You know what you want now, you know you want something real."

"White picket fence and all that stuff? Who would have ever guessed." Alex snorted.

"Me."

"Shut up." Alex laughed.

"Seriously, I've always known that one day you'd be a amazing father, but now you've got what it takes to make some women pretty happy too."

Alex smiled, "Just some woman?"

"Well I'll have to approve of course," Meredith smiled.

"Of course."

"And she'll have to be great with my kids too…"

"Mer," Alex sighed. "Do you really think either one of us will ever find anyone that will be okay with our relationship?"

"There might be someone…"

"No," Alex laughed, "There is no one. It's weird, it's weird and it works for us, but it would freak any half way normal person out."

"You've thought about this?"

"I think about a lot of things Mer," Alex sighed. "Lately all I do is think."

"You know you can always talk to me if you need to," Meredith smiled.

Alex looked at her, her eyes brimming with concern and almost let out a laugh. There was no way he could tell Meredith what was on his mind. If she knew half the things he'd been thinking about lately, he had no idea how she'd respond. "Yeah, I'll keep that in mind." He nodded. "Might just take you up on that sometime."

"I wished you would." Meredith spoke with a smile.

"Yeah?" Alex asked with a sigh, "You sure about that?" He questioned. "You know the saying, be careful what you wish for," he muttered as he shook his head and walked off leaving Meredith standing in the hall looking flustered and confused.


	14. The Past Will Not Define Us

_A/N I'm back finally.. And already working on the next chapter so yay for that... I know sometimes this story seems to drag, but I am getting there. In fact there is a good bit of movement here.. I want this to feel real, not hey your my best friend I love you, and that's that. Love is scary, loving your best friend, is scarier... Bare with me please, I promise we are almost there... Thank you so much for all the amazing reviews, I have read each one!_

* * *

 _When you_ _'re a kid you are told not to touch things that don't belong to you. It's right there in front of you, all you have to do is reach out and take it, but you can't. You're just not allowed. What happens when you are an adult and the same thing happens. When the thing you want more that anything else is right there but it's just not yours to take. The lessons we learn in childhood follow us into adulthood. If it's not yours don't take it, but maybe if you're lucky maybe someone will give it to you, maybe if you are real lucky you'll find out it's really yours after all._

Alex grabbed his coffee and took a long sip of it and frowned. He knew he shouldn't have let Maggie order for him this morning, it wasn't strong enough and it had some kind of werid girly flavor in it. With a sigh he took another sip, maybe it would at least wake him up. Staring down at his chart he took a deep breath, he had a busy day and he was exhausted. He hadn't been sleeping much lately, mostly staring at ceilings and trying to avoid the thoughts in his head. He had to get all of that under control and soon.

"Hey man," He heard Owen's voice speak.

"Hey," Alex nodded.

"I'm trying to get a game up this week, you in?"

"So do you just enjoy losing your money to me?" Alex grinned.

"I'm feeling a come back coming on," Owen snorted.

"Keep on dreaming dude,' Alex spoke with a laugh.

"Say, has Meredith mentioned anything to you about Nathan Riggs?" Owen frowned.

"No? Why?" He asked.

"He was staring at her the other day, I'm not crazy about the guy, so I'm watching him."

"So the dude was just looking at her?"

Owen frowned, "Well, he asked me what her story was yesterday," he admitted. "I told him she wasn't interested."

Alex let out a sigh, "She wouldn't though… I mean.."

"Just giving you the heads up," Owen shrugged. "Meredith and those kids deserve the best."

"Yeah, they do." Alex nodded.

"Of course if you'd just speak up already…" Owen grumbled.

"Dude, no, shut it," Alex huffed.

"I'm just saying, she won't be single forever."

"So how's Amelia? Talked to her lately?" Alex asked eyeing him.

"Low blow man."

"Just saying… We all have our stuff."

"Stuff? What stuff?" Arizona spoke walking up to them.

"Do you literally just appear out of no where?" Alex asked .

"I'm magical like that," Arizona smiled. "Or maybe I just walked around from the corner over there."

"I still think your some weird ninja at times," Alex shrugged.

"Maybe I am," Arizona smiled. "Anyway, you're actually just the guy I was looking for. I have this kid down in the ER, I want you to check her out. I need to see if you agree with me on something."

"And you came looking for me?"

"You should feel special, also you didn't answer your text." Arizona smiled.

"So I'll let you know when we have a day?" Owen asked.

"Yeah man, and thanks for looking out or whatever."

"Of course."

Alex turned back to Arizona, "So what's up with this kid?"

"Just come with me," she sighed, "I'll fill you in."

* * *

She heard laughter as she walked into her house. Standing at the door she saw blankets and pillows covering her living room furniture. Her whole living room and been converted into one giant fort of some kind.

She stood for a moment and just watched and listened. Watched as her children laughed and heard Alex laughing with them.

"Prince Bailey is going to save the kingdom!" She heard him say.

"But I will kill the dragon myself!" Zola added with a giggle. "Cause girls can do anything!"

"Yes they can." Alex agreed.

"I want to kill a dragon!" Bailey yelled with a laugh.

"Good thing there are two dragon's buddy!"

Meredith stood in silence taking in all that was happening in front of her. Alex was amazing with her children, beyond amazing actually. The way he loved them, the way he devoted so much time to them, without being asked, without having too, meant more to her than he would ever know. This man that didn't haven't to even be there, had stepped in and was giving her children a male role model that she had feared they'd never have after losing Derek.

"Hello?" She finally called out with a smile.

Alex's head popped out from under a red comforter, "Mer, you're home."

"I am." She nodded. "And my house is a mess."

Zola's head popped out beside Alex, "It's not a mess, its a castle!" She laughed. "I was the princess and Bailey was the prince!"

"Oh a castle." Meredith smiled. "So is this why you left work early today Alex? I was told you were sick?"

"I told Arizona to call if she needed me, she knew the reason," he shrugged.

"Alex picked me up from school," Zola laughed climbing out of the 'castle' ,"And took us to get ice cream. We are going to make our own pizza's tonight too, we all get to make them how we want them!"

"Wow," Meredith smirked, "Is there anything Alex can't do?"

Alex grinned standing up and dropping a foam sword, "Nah, I'm pretty freaking awesome," he answered.

"Obviously you are," Meredith nodded. "So where is my other princess at?" Meredith asked as Bailey finally climbed out of the homemade castle.

"Asleep in her royal quarters," Alex smiled. "She passed out not long after the ice cream rush wore off."

"Zola, can you go check on your sister for me?" Meredith asked.

Meredith watched as her two oldest children ran by her giggling, "So why did you really leave today?"

"It was a rough day," Alex shrugged. "I don't want to talk about it right now."

"But we will." Meredith nodded.

"All this sharing stuff is really not my thing Mer…"

"Really? Because you're really good at it," Meredith laughed.

"Like you said earlier, I'm awesome at everything."

"No, you said that."

"And you agreed."

"Whatever."

"Whatever nothing, you agreed I'm awesome at everything." Alex smirked, "Everything."

Meredith rolled her eyes, "Great, that means you'll do an _awesome_ job at cleaning my living room up," she said with a smirk. "I think it's time for the castle to go."

"But we were going to eat our pizza in there," Alex frowned, "You know so we could hide from the evil king and his dragon," he added with a smirk.

"Seriously?"

"What? Your children have amazing imaginations." He shrugged.

Meredith sighed, this life, this is one she could see into the future. It scared her for a moment as Alex grinned at her and she returned his smile. This man, this Alex Karev, former evil spawn, making castles and fortes with her children, teaching them about life, taking care of them, all of them. She closed her eyes for a moment and wondered was it actually possible to step across that line. Fear engulfed her as she imagined their friendship tumbling to the ground and she let out a tiny groan.

"You okay Mer?"

"Hmm?" She asked looking at him, "Yeah, just tired."

"You're day sucked too?" Alex asked.

"Not really, did have a long surgery though."

"So let's make some pizza's and watch television with the kids until they fall out, that sound good?"

"That depends, do they pick the movie or do we?"

Alex rolled his eyes, "Seriously?" He asked with a snort. "The tiny humans always out vote us."

"Fine, but I get to veto at least one choice." Meredith smiled.

"You wanna fight it out with Zola, be my guest." Alex shrugged. "I'm going to go feed the puppy and get the stuff out for pizza."

"Hey Alex," Meredith smiled with a sigh.

"Yeah."

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"All of this," she said looking around. "Castles and ice cream, movie nights and pizza, just all of it."

"Mer, are you getting all soft?"

"Just thanks," she shrugged. "In case I don't say it enough, you do far more than anyone else."

"Yeah well, it's what we do,' he shrugged. "We take care of each other."

"Yeah," She smiled. "We do."

* * *

He fell on her bed sometime late that night. Some time after Cinderella found her prince in the book he read Ellis, the dancer became a world famous ballerina in the movie he watched with Zola, and the monsters were all chased out of Bailey's room, that's when he was finally able to crash on Meredith's bed.

He closed his eyes and wondered if the monsters from his past would chase him tonight, after the morning he had had. He looked over at Meredith, she hadn't said a word as she stared intently on the book she was reading. He sighed and stared back up at the ceiling tiles. He really hoped she didn't kick him out of her room tonight.

"You can talk you know." She spoke, her eyes never wavering from the book.

"I'm good."

"Okay." She spoke. "But you're lying."

"It's stupid you know." He muttered.

"What is?"

"The whole idea that you should talk about all you're feelings. Whatever, it's dumb."

"I just asked what made you leave work today, I said nothing about feelings."

"I had a patient, and the whole thing sucked." He grumbled.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." He spoke as she flipped a page in her book. He watched her silently for a moment and sighed. "Why do people have to suck?" He asked. "Seriously, this whole freakin' world is screwed up."

She sat her book down and looked at him. "Sounds bad."

"Robbins called me in, she wanted to see what I thought," he groaned. "The little girl had broke ribs," he spoke. "You should have seen her Mer, she was a little younger than Zola, had the prettiest red hair I've ever saw on a kid, and these big blue eyes, but her eyes just looked dead."

"What happened to her?"

"She complained all day at school that she was hurting, and finally told her teacher that her foster mom pushed her off the porch at home, so she reported it, and she was brought in."

"Oh gosh."

"Her foster mom claimed she fell off the porch." Alex frowned then dropped his head. "But I knew." He rested his head against the pillow as he clinched his fist, "I knew that look, and the bruising."

"The foster mom?" Meredith frowned.

Alex groaned, "The kid didn't want to tell, I watched her look at the woman and I could see it in her eyes. The story didn't add up and the bruising, it was bad Mer, when Robbins finally checked her out, it was so freakin' bad."

"Oh no."

"The little girl finally told me the truth. She said she was scared they'd make her go back home if she told, and home was worse. Seriously Mer, how bad was her home that she wanted to stay in that?"

"I don't want to think about it."

Alex closed his eyes and swallowed, "I lived that, that fear…" He frowned. "I stayed at some good places, foster parents aren't all bad, most aren't, but then there's always that one…"

"Alex."

"It just sucks."

"It does."

"All I could think about was the kids, and how I just wanted to go get them and just hang today. I know it's stupid but I just wanted them to know that I'm here. No one really ever made me feel like that, and I just needed that today."

He felt Meredith rest her hand on his and just leave it there, "I'm glad they have you."

"They will always have me, you will always have me, you know that right? That I'm here."

"We know."

"She was so scared Mer, that kid had been beat over and over and she was scared she'd have to go back to her real parents because these people at least fed her good. That's what she told me, she wanted to stay there because she got to eat."

"Did you have homes like that?"

It was such a simple question, one that he would have never answered to anyone but her.

"A few." He mumbled. "I always wondered what other kids were always so happy about." He shrugged. "My family sucked, it was it's own nightmare, and then there were the bad homes." He spoke in a soft voice. "I mean sometimes it was my own fault. I was a brat to most of those people."

She frowned as she scooted over next to him and he instantly wrapped his arm around her and pulled her to him. He took in her scent as she patted his hand gently with hers.

"It was not your fault."

"It was, I was a horrible kid, brought a lot of crap on myself." He frowned. "I'm pretty good at pushing people away."

"Haven't pushed me away."

"You won't leave." He smirked.

"I'm stubborn that way." Meredith laughed.

"No one has stayed like you have Mer." Alex sighed. "No one."

"Yeah well, you've stayed for me too, even when I ran." Meredith spoke.

"Always will."

"But Alex, all the crap you went through, all the pushing people away as a kid, it's not your fault. Those families they just didn't see how amazing you were."

"I was far from amazing with them," he groaned. "I know it's hard to believe but I was a pretty bad jerk as a kid." He joked. "I was horrible to most of those people."

"You were a scared little boy," she spoke with a sigh. "You have to know, you have to get by now that you were a little boy, and you were dealing with things the best way you could."

"Still…"

"Alex." She spoke firmly, "You were a child, your homelife was horrible, and you did what you did to protect your brother and sister. You reacted to things the way a scared kid in protective mode would act. Some families just can't deal with that."

"I had some good ones too though, a few that tried. This one guy, he didn't quit on me, he had a son my age, and we played ball together, and he just treated me like I was his or something. He taught me how to make forts in the living room and I almost felt like a normal kid there."

"So that's where you learned how to turn my living room into a princess castle." Meredith spoke.

Alex sighed and looked down at her, she was looking up at him with big bright eyes and and a smile he wanted to drown in. All this freaking sharing, she always did this to him. Somehow with her he could talk, he could tell her everything. All the dirty secrets from his past, all the stupid stuff he had done, and she just listened. No judgment, no pity in her eyes, she just took it in and let him be. If she'd ever let her guard down, ever just try it'd be perfect he thought as he shook his head and frowned.

"He wanted to keep me around, but then his wife passed away in a car wreck and he just had too much on his plate. They were awesome people, that was the only real home I ever felt like I had, til now."

"What happened with the little girl? New family?"

"Yeah, she's staying in the hospital a couple days, just so we can check her out. They took the foster mom off, probably going to get the dad too. I just hope the kid gets a good one this time. Most are good you know? I thought Robbin's was gonna punch the woman. People just suck."

"I knew it was something." Meredith spoke resting her head on his shoulder. "I could tell."

"You always can." He smirked.

"You have a family now though, you have us, it may not be normal but it is a family." Meredith smiled.

"Yeah, who needs normal," he sighed.

"Normal is overrated anyway." She laughed.

He watched her for a moment as she smiled, and her eyes lit up, and he sighed. It could be normal though, he wanted it to be normal, this woman, and these kids, he wanted more. He could almost imagine the extra, the coming in from work and making dinner together, kissing her as she burned the pasta or hugging her as Zola laughed at her. Family trips, holding her hand, being more than just the best friend. He had worked hard on pretending it didn't exist, but deep down he knew, he wanted more, God help him, he wanted her.


	15. What's This Feeling

**_Authors Note: Let's go ahead and get the fact that I suck out of the way. Two jobs and all that adulting isn't easy... IF anyone is still interested and I hope SOMEONE is here's the next chapter and an apology because seriously I am so very sorry it took this long to update..._**

* * *

 _They say there comes a time in our life when running is no longer a option. You run hard and fast, trying to avoid, ignore, make the things you feel go away, but in reality that never lasts long. Running gets tiring and eventually you have to stop, eventually you have to take a breath and when you do, all that you've been feeling, all that you've been running from, it will catch up to you, and then, then you have no other choice but to deal, whether you want to or not._

"So do you like her or do you love her?"

Alex groaned as he stared at Jackson, and then looking back down at directions for the changing table that lay scattered on the floor in front of the. "I should have kept my mouth shut."

"Look man, when you walk into my house and tell me you like Meredith, there are going to be questions. So do you like her, or do you love her? Where are we at here, on a scale of feelings."

"Do we need to get the ice cream and cookie dough out for this little girl fest?" Alex asked rolling his eyes. "Seriously dude, scale of feelings?"

"Stop avoiding my question, and actually cookie dough would be good right now, but whatever."

Alex frowned. He never meant to tell Jackson anything, but somehow between watching classic football games and putting together baby stuff it just sorta came out. His life was a lot easier before all these friends happened. Some times he thought all these guys talked about feelings more than the women in his life.

"I don't know." Alex groaned. "Dude, this is freakin insane."

"From the outside looking in, it makes perfect sense to me." Jackson shrugged.

"I don't want to do this… She's Mer, I'm not supposed to want my best friend."

"But you do."

"Shut up, you love your ex wife."

"I do not."

"You do. I like Meredith and you love Kepner and we're both screwed up."

Jackson frowned, "Look there might be something there, but it doesn't matter and besides you're deflecting the issue."

"I got you to admit it though." Alex grinned.

"You love Meredith." Jackson smirked.

"Dude, I never said loved."

"You don't have too."

"I can't love Meredith. She's my best friend, it's just, she'll never, this sucks!" Alex finally spoke with a huff.

"You need to tell her."

"I can't."

"So you're just going to say nothing?" Jackson asked.

"It's worked for you so far." Alex countered.

Jackson let out a sigh, "I don't have a choice."

"Sure you do, you could tell Kepner you still want her."

"And you know what she'd say? She'd say I was just saying it because of the baby. She'd tell me that I was just telling her what I thought she wanted to hear. That I just wanted her because I wanted the baby to have us together. I know her, she'd rant on and on about how I was trying to be noble and good and she wasn't having that." Jackson frowned. "I've thought about it, and I know her, I know her better than I know myself half the time, and she would never believe that what I feel is real."

"Dude." Alex spoke. "You're probably right, but does that mean you can't try?"

"Yes that's exactly what it means for now and for the record, this conversation is just between us, yeah?"

"Nothing goes out of this room." Alex nodded.

"Good. Same."

"I can't want her."

"You do." Jackson smiled.

"I do."

"So now what?"

"I don't have a freaking clue."

"Might want to figure that out."

"It's just,she's Mer. She's this person, my person that I go to for everything. I can tell her anything and she doesn't judge me, no matter how bad I screw up she's there, she's always been there. I've never had that before, someone that was just always there and I've went and brought all these feelings into it, and it just makes it's a mess."

"Have you ever thought she might feel the same but she's scared to tell you?"

"No. Because she still loves Derek. No one will touch that or even come close."

"But Derek isn't coming back, and she has to move on, and you're there, you live there, you help her with her kids, you cook for her, man you even sleep in the same bed with her most of the time, you're practically already married. The two of you together, it makes total sense."

"Not to her, trust me, I'm just her person. If I went in and just randomly told Meredith I have all these weird jumbled up feelings for her she'd freak. She's probably trip over me trying to get to her room so she could facetime Yang about it or something. No matter how I feel about her at the end of the day I am no Derek Shepard."

"Maybe not, but I still think you two could be pretty awesome together."

"Yeah." Alex sighed. "That's the thing man, So do I."

* * *

She leaned against the cold wall as she watched Alex talking to one of his patients. She saw the little girl giggle as he whispered something to her, and then watched as her mother gushed over Alex. It amazed her how good he was with kids, but lately he had been getting better when the adults too. It made her proud to see him becoming everything she knew he was.

"Aw, Sydney is getting released today." She heard Arizona speak she she felt her lean against the wall next to her.

"She's the one with all the kidney issues right?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah, she adores Alex," Arizona laughed. "Her mom does too." She added eyeing Meredith.

"Her mom?"

"Yeah, Haley's a single mom, sweet girl, but she's always flirting with Alex." Arizona laughed. "Even asked me to fix them up."

"Seriously?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah, Alex didn't mention it to you?"

Meredith frowned, "No, so he knows?"

"Everyone in Peds knows," Arizona laughed.

Meredith nodded her head and watched as Haley laughed as something Alex said and then rested her hand on his arm. A feeling rushed over her, annoyance, yeah, that was the feeling she thought as she frowned. "So does he like her?"

"No," Arizona shrugged. "No interest at all."

Relief. Then fear. Those were the feelings that flooded over Meredith. Why was she relieved Alex wasn't interested. He was her person, he had every right to date. Still there was this weird feeling going on that she couldn't shake.

"Well she's pretty enough."

"Sweet too," Arizona nodded looking at Meredith with a smile, "But Alex doesn't seem to care. You know, I can't remember the last time saw him flirting with anyone but you."

"Stop…" Meredith sighed. "Alex does not flirt with me."

"You really don't see it do you?"

"See what?" Meredith asked.

"Amazing." Arizona said with a laugh. "Just amazing."

"What's so amazing ladies?" A male voice sounded. Meredith looked up when she saw Nathan Riggs approach them.

"I'm sorry, can we help you?" Arizona asked.

"Meredith Grey," he spoke with a smile. "I believe we are in surgery together today.."

"Is that so?" Meredith asked.

"It is. I just wanted to come by and let you know I'm looking forward to it." Nathan smiled.

"Okay then," Meredith nodded taken back. "I'll see you in there I guess."

"Yes you will.." He spoke with a nod and a smile as he walked off.

"Well that was flirting if I ever saw it." Arizona spoke. "Is this something new?"

"I barely know the guy." Meredith spoke shaking her head. "I am just as confused as you."

* * *

Alex sat the last of dinner on the table just as he heard the front door open. He knew Meredith had been in a long surgery so he figured she'd be ready to eat when she got home.

"Alex can we have cake for dessert tomorrow since Bailey got cookies tonight?" Zola asked.

"Well I may have to stop and buy one, I have a busy day tomorrow."

"Okay! You're the best!"

"Hey, I thought I was the best." Meredith laughed as she walked into the kitchen.

"Well I think so." Alex smirked.

"Alex made baked spaghetti tonight with extra cheese." Zola smiled.

"Is there anything Alex can't do?"

"Zola's math homework," Alex grinned. "We saved that for you."

"Alex said if he helped me he would have to put money in the swear jar." Zola giggled.

"That swear jar is going to send at least one kid to college." He grumbled looking up at Meredith with a grin.

"Zola why don't you go wash up and we can eat. If we get your homework done in time we can watch a movie before bed." Meredith smiled.

"Awesome!" Zola laughed running off.

"So how was your day?" Alex asked.

"Good. My surgery went better than expected."

"That is always a good day."

"It is. I worked with Nathan Riggs today.." Meredith spoke.

"Riggs huh?" Alex asked grabbing the garlic bread. "Hunt doesn't like that dude for some reason."

"He's a good doctor," Meredith spoke. "Cocky and a little flirty, but good."

Alex looked up at her, "Flirty?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "Like obvious flirty, it was weird."

"Sounds like a jerk." Alex muttered.

"Alex Karev, I remember a time when you flirted with every woman around."

"Yeah and I was a jerk too." He smirked. "Now I make a mean baked spaghetti and watch Paw Patrol like a boss." He chuckled.

Meredith laughed, "Are you saying your flirting days are behind you?"

Alex let out a sigh as he walked over to her, "Nah, not saying that at all." He spoke looking her in the eyes. Moving a strand of stray hair gently from her face he grinned, "I am still Alex Karev don't you ever doubt that," he smirked. "I just know what's important now, and I am not settling for anything less than the best."

He watched Meredith swallow and he felt his stomach churn, he had no freaking clue what he was doing, he wasn't even sure what he was saying. He just knew this woman in front of him, this life that he had, he couldn't let it go. It was becoming more and more clear that the feelings he had were worth fighting for, even if he lost it all.


	16. When We Realize

_A/N There's a chance my work load is slowing down so hopefully this will be updated faster now... Real life is not fun sometimes... Once again many many I'm sorry's for such a delay in a update. I can never say I'm sorry enough. I hope you enjoy this chapter, as finally big things are getting ready to happy so very very soon! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. It means so much to me!_

* * *

 _We all grow up. It seriously happens to all of us at some time. One day we are outside chasing lightening bugs, playing chase and jumping in mud puddles and then just like that, we_ _'re not. We grow up, we learn things, we fall in love, get our hearts broken, and fall in love again. We get jobs, and lives, and become the very boring adults we said we'd never be. We grow up, we all do, and it's hard but it's not always bad, sometimes, most of the time, growing up, falling in love, it can all be so good, maybe even amazing._

* * *

Alex looked at the load of laundry in front of him and chuckled. When did he become this guy? The guy that did laundry for a house full of women, and remembered to wash the Zola's favorite dress up clothes by hand just in case the washer ruined them. He stared at at tiny pink dress with a puppy on it and sighed. He was content in this life now, washing and drying and carpool, he was actually happy doing all this stuff he used to hate. This is what Meredith and her children had done to him, and somewhere along the way he had become totally fine with it.

He closed his eyes and sighed as he thought about a moment a couple nights before. The way Meredith sucked in a breath as he moved her hair from her face. There was something there then, something Meredith would no doubt deny but he saw it, the look in her eyes, it shook her, and it sent something through him he never expected…Hope.

"Hey." He heard her voice speak catching him off guard as he turned around to see her standing behind him.

"Hey yourself." He spoke.

"You know I could have done all that." She spoke.

"You and Maggie both had long surgeries and a full plate today, I'm good." He shrugged.

"Well thanks, I owe you now. Maybe a home cooked meal?" She grinned.

"I'll pass," he joked.

"Shut up, I can cook."

"You can," he nodded, "But I can cook better."

She walked over and sat next to him, picking up a shirt as she began to fold, "Maybe you should teach me." She laughed.

"You want cooking lessons from me?" He asked arching a eyebrow.

"I'd like to know what you put in your waffles at least." She grinned.

"Mer, a man can never reveal all of his secrets."

"Just how many secrets do you have anyway?" She asked with a tiny smile.

He smiled back and dropped his head, "Honestly, you know more about me than anyone."

"Yeah? Even Jo?"

"Yeah, I've told you things I swore I'd ever say again." He shrugged.

"I'm sure Izzie knew," she spoke softly.

"No Mer," He spoke looking her in the eyes, "You know me better than anyone, my past, everything, you're the only one."

"I guess you know me pretty well too," she shrugged.

"That's what I'm here for," he smiled.

"I honestly don't know what I'd do without you." Meredith sighed.

Alex touched her arm, "You know you never have to worry about that." He spoke honestly. "I'm always going to be here Mer. There's no where else I'd want to be."

"Even though me and the kids drive you up the wall some days?"

"I like the chaos." He laughed.

"Yeah well someday someone will come along and you'll be ready to get out of this place." She said with a weak laugh.

He looked at her, really looked at her in a way that he could see actually got to her a little, "No, doesn't have to be that way," He spoke his voice strong, "Mer listen…" He began touching her arm just as his phone went off. He groaned as he looked down at the text in front of him. Not today, not yet…. "Crap, that's Arizona one of my patients is going in surgery today and is begging for me before she takes him back."

"Go." Meredith smiled.

"But…"

"Go." She said again. "You can't let your patients down."

He stood up and let out a deep breath, "We'll talk later okay?"

"Yeah, yeah sure." She smiled.

He groaned as he grabbed his jacket, he couldn't keep holding in what he was feeling. Soon he was going to have to have a talk with Meredith that would probably ruin everything.

* * *

She stared at her tablet watching as Cristina handed a nurse a file and then turned her attention back to her.

"Sorry Mer, I have this amazing case I'm dealing with, I haven't been this excited in a while." Cristina laughed.

"You realize in your attempt to become the greatest doctor of all times, you're neglecting your best friend duties," Meredith grinned.

"I thought you had Karev for all of that now." Cristina replied.

"Karev is the problem." Meredith sighed slowly.

"Oh? Is he failing at his 'person' duties? I knew he would never meet my standards."

Meredith rolled her eyes, "Alex has been amazing thank you, he's the best. That's actually the problem." she frowned.

"Okay, so spit it out."

Meredith let out a sigh and took a deep breath, "I think we shared a moment the other night."

"A moment?" Cristina questioned. "What kind of moment."

Meredith frowned, "I don't know, just a moment."

"Did you kiss Alex Karev? Or worse Meredith you didn't!"

"Calm down, I didn't, it was nothing like that."

"So what was it?"

"He moved my hair out of my face and it felt like something, even though it was probably nothing. I mean we were kinda flirting I think or maybe not, and then he moved my hair and was all smiling different and I think I felt something that was not how I should feel about my person."

"And your rambling." Cristina frowned. "You like Karev, Mer no!"

"What no, I just, we are together all the time, I mean he sleeps in my bed half the time, but this was different, I'm crazy, just tell me I'm crazy, and I'll let you go about your day."

"Your insane." Cristina groaned. "You like Alex Karev, you have feelings for the evil spawn!"

Meredith groaned. "He's not the Evil Spawn anymore. He's the guy that I tell everything too, and takes care of my kids, and cooks and cleans, and puts tiny babies back together, he's not the Evil Spawn.."

"Oh gosh it's worse than I thought." Cristina muttered, "You love him. Mer, do you love him?"

"What? Shut up! It was just weird, and then today before he left we had this talk and I thought he was going to say stuff but he didn't and I'm glad but now I'm wondering…"

"Karev loves you? Is that what you're saying?" Cristina asked.

"No, of course not, not like that, I mean I told him he was gonna leave when he found someone and he got all serious and said he didn't have too but it was nothing right?"

"Alex Karev loves you!"

"Stop saying that!"

"And you love him!"

"Shut up!"

"This is insane, You can't love Alex, he's Alex, Meredith, Alex." Cristina exclaimed.

"I know that!"

"Does anyone else know?"

"What? No! I mean everyone here keeps telling us we should be together, but I know and he knows it's crazy. We laugh about it all the time. He's my best friend, he's the only person I have besides Maggie since you left, I can't love my person Cristina. It's just sometimes he does things, or says stuff, or walks in a room in just his jeans and…."

"And you want Alex." Cristina groaned. "Mer, if you do this, it could mess up everything the two of you have. You have to think about that. He's the one person there that you trust, and if you two go there, you can't come back from it. I don't care how good he looks in a towel or making pasta, you have to think about the long run here."

"Yeah, you're right."

"Unless you think…." Cristina began.

"Think what?"

"Never mind it's insane."

"Cristina!"

"Unless you think there is a real future there. That's the only way Meredith, is if you feel strongly that this could actually somehow work for good."

"Yeah." Meredith groaned.

"But seriously Mer, He's Alex."

"Yeah, but you don't know the Alex Karev I know." Meredith sighed.

"Yeah, just be careful okay? Really think this through."

"I will, I am, that's all I do."

"Update me soon." Cristina smiled as her face disappeared from the screen.

"Yeah," Meredith groaned putting down her tablet, I"ll do that."

* * *

Alex dropped his food on the table as he sat down between Jackson and Owen and frowned. "I almost told her." He spoke.

"Almost?" Jackson asked.

"Yes, almost."

"Why didn't you?"

"Because I had a emergency here." Alex groaned.

"Wait, tell who what?" Owen asked.

"You don't know?" Jackson asked. "Dude, he loves Meredith."

"Likes and shut up." Alex groaned.

"So you've admitted it? This is a new development." Owen smirked.

Alex let out a groan. "Whatever, look I almost told her how I felt, that was stupid right?"

Jackson laughed, "Why was it stupid?"

"Because, it won't work, it can't work." He said stabbing his salad with his fork.

Jackson shook his head, "You are the only two that think it can't work."

Alex rolled his eyes, "I didn't plan to tell her, but things are weird now. We start talking and I just want too and this is going to all end bad."

"Have you ever thought that maybe, she's feeling the same way you are?" Owen asked.

"Of course I've thought that, I've ran every possibility and outcome through my mind a thousand times and it always ends up bad." Alex huffed. "I can't believe I let myself do this."

"You love her." Owen smirked.

"He does." Jackson agreed.

"Seriously?" Alex asked. "Hows both of your relationships going right now?" He asked with a smirk.

"Amelia is talking to me again." Owen smiled. "Look, whatever you're going to do, do it soon, I heard rumors that Riggs is going to ask her out soon. If he does, you might just lose your shot."

"My money is still on Karev." Jackson shrugged.

"Wait so Riggs is seriously interested?" Alex groaned.

"Yeah, they've done several surgeries together lately. One of the nurses said he's been finding ways in to most of Meredith's when he can."

"Well that's freakin' awesome." Alex muttered.

"Just tell her man, " Jackson shrugged. "It has to happen."

"You tell April first." He countered.

"Actually I sent her flowers today for no reason." Jackson spoke. "She brought them back and said I didn't have to be nice to her just because she's having my baby. I can't win with her. Maggie did say she cried when she got them and said it was the nicest thing ever, so she assumed it was just hormones. I honestly think I could pull out all the stops and she'd still say it's only because of the baby."

"Keep trying." Owen smiled. "Be relentless, both of you."

"Easier said than done." Alex muttered.

"Yeah," Jackson sighed, "Tell me about it."

* * *

The house had a eerie silence to it when Meredith walked in the door. There were no kids screaming, the television was off and the kitchen was clean and empty. She looked around and then stopped seeing Alex sitting outside on the ground. It was obvious he was in deep though. With a sigh she grabbed a blanket and headed out the back door. He looked back when he saw her and smiled gently as he turned back to the night sky.

"Where are my children." She spoke softly as she sat down beside him.

"Maggie took them out, all of them." He smirked. "I keep waiting for a rescue text."

"So it's just us?"

"Yep." He nodded.

"Care to tell me what has you out here tonight?"

He looked at her with a shrug as he quietly took her blanket and unfolded it, placing it over both of them. "Just thinking."

"How deep of you." She grinned.

"I had this patient today, little girl that was six years old. Her grandmother is raising her," he spoke. "She asked me if I was married," he smirked. "I figured she had a daughter or something."

"That happens to you a lot doesn't it?"

"At least once a week," He shrugged. "Apparently I'm a real catch Mer," he winked.

"Of course." She smiled.

"Anyway, she kept talking about her husband, and I assumed he was still alive. He's been gone for twelve years Mer, and this woman still loves him like he was here today. Better yet, he was her ex husband, she said after they divorced they remained best friends and just never could remarry. I just couldn't get over it."

"Sounds like the real thing."

"I don't know why it stuck with me but it did." He shrugged. "I mean there was a time I never thought I'd get over Iz, but I did, and then I loved Jo, and honestly I'm over that now, totally. But this woman, she still loves this man like he's here with her."

"Yeah."

"You get that don't you?" Alex asked.

"Meredith dropped her head, "Yeah I do."

She watched him stare back up at the sky, "Mer, do you think you'd ever be able to love someone again? After Derek, do you think you could totally I mean?"

"You're going all deep tonight." She spoke.

"Yeah I guess so."

"Honestly? For awhile I swore I couldn't, that I wouldn't. I mean, he's Derek, I'll always love him, we'll always have this story that is amazing. But now, I think I could. I mean I know he would want me to be happy, he'd be totally jealous at first and probably say the guy wasn't nearly as handsome as him," she chuckled, "But he'd want me too move on."

"Do you want to move on?"

She looked at him for a moment and sighed. Part of her questioned his motives but the other part remembered he was still Alex, her person. "I do." She said simply. "I really do."

She thought she saw relief fall over him, a hint of a smile maybe, as his shoulders seem to relax. "You deserve it, you know that right?"

"Yeah," she sighed. "You know the dreams I had about him, I don't have them as much now, and they don't scare me when I do. He's usually just telling me to be happy, to live my life."

"You still sneak in my bed a lot though," Alex smirked.

"Hush." She laughed although she could have swore a warm heat swept over her and blushed. "I think it's the dreams about Lexie that hurt the most now. Those are the ones that I can't sleep over. When she's there watching the kids grow, and then I wake up and I remember she's not here with me, that she'll never have her own family, her own dreams."

"Lexie loved you so much."

"And I loved her." She nodded.

"And she knew that." Alex smiled.

"Yeah I think so. You know honestly there was a time I was sure you'd never get over Izzie either." She spoke honestly changing the subject. "You carried a piece of her everywhere, every time she was mentioned."

"I never thought I'd see a day when I'd wake up and not miss Iz, or want to find her or see her again, even after I started seeing Jo, there was a part of me that knew if she showed up, I'd give it another chance in a second."

"Now?"

"I hope she's happy, wherever she is, I hope she's happy, but I don't want her come back, I want her to stay gone and just be happy."

She didn't say anything back she just sighed and scooted a little closer and pulled the blanket up on her. Alex looked at her and smiled gently taking the blanket from her, he carefully fixed it around her and wrapped his arm around her tightly. She took a deep breath, breathing in the night air, the musk of his cologne, and a moment she wanted to last forever.

She felt him rub his hand gently up and down her arm and she let out a sigh. Everything about this felt different, felt new, but she refused to say a word. She wanted to just hang on to this night, to whatever this was, until she could figure out what she was really feeling.

"We're adults now Alex." She whispered.

"I know."

"When did that happen?"

"I'm not really sure." He chuckled.

She rested her head on his shoulder and he relaxed, as she felt him rest his head against hers. "It's not so bad is it."

"No, it's not."

"I kinda like it actually." She smiled.

"Yeah," he spoke and she heard him sigh, "So do I."


End file.
